SNL: Rahm Emanuel Apology (Video)

On Saturday Night Live, Rahm Emanuel, played by Andy Samberg, delivered "An Even-Tempered Apology."

Transcript

DON PARDO: And now an even-tempered apology from White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel.



RAHM EMANUEL: Good evening. Last week, the Wall Street Journal reported that I used a regrettable term to describe fellow Democrats in a strategy meeting. The word I used was a derogatory term for people with intellectual disabilities. And while I have apologized to the head of the Special Olympics, I also wanted to take the time to apologize to you, the American people.

(Angry, raises voice) As for the progressive Democrats whom I used the term in reference to, I should never have called you that. What I should have called you are f---ing babies, stupid f---ing babies who can't keep their mouths shut. You went to the Wall Street Journal with this, you f---ing turncoats? The Wall Street Journal??



I'm trying to get s--- done here. And I know we're not moving as fast as you want on health care, but maybe you noticed the Republicans are trying to paint us as Soviet crack dealers. And I've already got them crawling up my ass and now you want in, too? I've got so many legislators in my colon I need 60 votes just to take a s---. So, f--- you.

(Calmly) I'd also like to personally apologize to Sarah Palin who went on Facebook to criticize my comments and ask for my resignation. While my resignation will not be forthcoming, I hope the former governor can accept my humblest apologies for my poor choice of words.

(Very angry, yells) So now I'm waiting for your apology, you f---ing harpy. Or do you forget saying my brother, Zeke, supports death panels and his philosophy was downright evil? Well, he's a f---ing doctor who's dedicated his life to helping people, not a quitter who couldn't finish dinner. So why don't you stick to collecting checks for your stupid Tea Party speeches, you half a f---ing politician? Also, you come after me on Facebook? What are you? 14?? Here's a status update: Grow the f--- up. Poke me again and I will write s--- on your wall so obscene your computer will cry. Go back to the tundra, you f---ing gimmick.

I'm sorry. Did you f---ing say something?

(Camera moves as if shaking head, saying no)

Are you sure?

(Camera moves as if nodding)

You better be sure.

(Calmly) In conclusion, boo f---ing hoo. Get over it.

DON PARDO: This has been an even-tempered apology from White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel.

RAHM EMANUEL: (Angry) And also, Mel Gibson, shut the f--- up.

Video.