Obama's Clean Power Plan: Details

Details of Obama's Plan:

Immediate removal of smokestacks atop White House

Designates team of workers to cool down planet’s hottest surfaces with damp towels and washcloths

Increases wind by 80 million gusts

Provides state governments with template for lawsuit to file in federal court

Sets aside a couple ecosystems to decimate every few years to release repressed environmentally destructive energy

Creates $500 tax credit for homeowners who install rooftop nuclear reactors

Encourages citizens to choose more environmentally friendly method of suicide than running car in garage

Serves as major legacy-builder for Obama until presidential system is forgotten in catastrophic, drought-ravaged Black Times beginning in 2047