Wasted?

In today's Washington Post, Paul E. Schroeder, managing director of a trade development firm in Cleveland, has a column about his son, Lance Cpl. Edward "Augie" Schroeder II.

Augie was among fourteen Marines killed in Haditha, Iraq on August 3, 2005.

Schroeder gives a glimpse into the personal pain he and his family experienced, as well as his feelings about the death of his son.

The grieving father writes:

Though it hurts, I believe that his death -- and that of the other Americans who have died in Iraq -- was a waste. They were wasted in a belief that democracy would grow simply by removing a dictator -- a careless misunderstanding of what democracy requires. They were wasted by not sending enough troops to do the job needed in the resulting occupation -- a careless disregard for professional military counsel.

But their deaths will not be in vain if Americans stop hiding behind flag-draped hero masks and stop whispering their opposition to this war. Until then, the lives of other sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers and mothers may be wasted as well.

This is very painful to acknowledge, and I have to live with it. So does President Bush.

I have not experienced the death of a loved one in war. Although a family member died while serving during a past military conflict, it was well before I was born.

While I can't relate to Schroeder's situation from firsthand experience, I can understand the pain of losing a loved one in a manner that is difficult to accept. In my experience, the death didn't have to happen. The feeling that the life was wasted remains overwhelming. The feeling that I should have done something to prevent it, however irrational that may be, haunts me.

So, to a certain extent, I can empathize with what Schroeder is feeling.

Losing a child, his son, may be the worst pain Schroeder will ever endure; and the fact that he considers Augie's life to have been wasted has to be excruciating for him.

I can understand his desire to want to protect others from living his nightmare and his reasons for speaking out.

I won't argue with Schroeder's opinion about the war in Iraq or the Bush Administration, nor would I attempt in any way to invalidate his emotions about Augie's death, especially his anger.

However, I do think it's appropriate to acknowledge the opinions of other fathers that grieve for their children killed in Iraq, and shed tears over their losses. Even when swallowed up by their pain, these fathers don't believe that the lives of their sons and daughters were wasted.

The father of Brian Paul Montgomery, a Marine from Ohio also killed last August, reacted differently to the death of his son.




At the [funeral] church service, Brian's father, Paul, broke down as he tried to describe how his son had always put others before himself. He told how Brian had been suspended in high school for fighting after he defended a girl who had been slapped by a boy. He described how the shock of the Sept. 11 attacks prompted his oldest son to join the Marine Corps Reserves.

"Brian had a deep conviction that he needed to protect his country," his father said.

Some families of reservists killed in action have criticized the Bush administration's handling of the war. But Paul Montgomery said he did not, nor had Brian. "We both believe it's the right war at the right time," he said.

Eric, Brian's younger brother, followed him into the reserves and also served in Iraq.

At the church service, Eric quoted his brother:

" 'I have a responsibility to Mom and Dad to get you home. I know you'll take care of my wife and son if I don't make it, so I have to get you home.' "

At their base camp outside Haditha, the brothers had long talks about family and country and service. Brian believed he was fighting to protect his family and fellow citizens. He once told his father that no American should have to board an airliner wondering whether it would arrive safely at its destination.

Eric quoted his brother again:

" 'Eric, if I fall, make sure my boy gets my dog tags and he knows what I was all about. And take care of my wife.' "

Obviously, the accounts of the Schroeder and Montgomery families present widely differing perspectives on the sacrifices of their fallen loved ones.

Although their opinions about the war are poles apart, they are united in the pain of their losses.

As I said earlier, I'm not going to pass judgment here, or have the audacity to declare that one perspective is right and the other wrong. I'm not about to criticize the heartfelt expressions of the grieving families.

My prayer is the same for all the family members of fallen service persons -- that they may find strength, comfort, and eventually peace, in God.

My prayer for 2006 is that love and justice prevail over hate and oppression, and that we have a more peaceful world.