What John Kerry Needs

Last week, The Smoking Gun posted "Dick Cheney's suite demands."

He doesn't demand much -- a private bathroom, decaf coffee, Diet Sprite.

The huge revelation was that TVs be tuned to FOX News.

Naturally, libs and late night comedians seized on the information and painted Cheney as a diva.

All that the Vice President of the United States asks for when traveling is listed on one page.

Cheney's requests seem monastic compared to John Kerry's demands, a four page "confidential" document.

In the interest of being fair and balanced, The Smoking Gun posted regular guy John Kerry's requirements when he goes on the road.

This is a "must read."

I can just imagine Kerry droning on and on as he dictated these demands to an aide.

Actually, the manifesto relaying Kerry's needs is not only very entertaining, it does give insight into his personality. It's kind of like the "boxers or briefs" thing.

Kerry's basic needs reflect who he is.

Among Kerry's lengthy list of requirements:

Breakfast-
Wheaties, Total or Special K with 2% milk

Lunch/Dinner
Lighter fare:
Cobb Salads - balsamic vingraette AND ranch dressing on the side
I think that should be "vinaigrette."

Grilled Chicken/ Grilled Tuna/ Grilled Shrimp Caesar Salads

Note: JK hates celery.
If celery growers and celery lovers knew about this before the 2004 election, that could have altered the election results significantly. Maybe Bush would have won California.
NEVER order: Tomato based products OR sandwiches.
Kerry has a problem with tomato based products?

That's odd given that the Heinz-Kerry fortune is based on ketchup. I think this calls for some psychoanalysis. Perhaps Kerry holds some subconscious animosity for Heinz. On the other hand, it could be very conscious.

Also:
Filet mignon - medium
Grilled tuna, halibut, or chicken with a starch and vegetables (veer away from heavy sauces)
Chinese food: Szechwan string beens, shrimp and broccoli
Check out the spelling. Did Barbra Streisand write this?
Hold Rooms:
Hot water
Honey
Lemon
Bottled Water - uncarbonated. Poland Spring preferred. No Evian
Who does this guy think he is? Pavarotti?

Hotels:
Down Pillows
Newspapers: NY Times, Washington Post, Local papers (early morning)
Apparently, Kerry prefers friendly lib propaganda publications. Recumbent bike: JK would prefer a recumbent bike these days, not the regular old stationery bike
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These are just a few of Kerry's preferences. Teresa's are even funnier. She requires a "Heavenly Bed."

Kerry comes off as a snob, a spoiled, pampered, egomaniacal celebrity, and certainly out of touch with average Americans.

These revelations aren't surprising. I've never found Kerry to be very convincing in the "everyman" role that he sometimes struggles to assume.