You Bore Me, Oscar

It's been only a little over thirty minutes into the 78th Academy Awards and I'm bored out of my skull.

Are you tired of seeing Jack Nicholson's reactions, at least three shots already?

Here's something entertaining (or offensive) to read:

PREDICTIONS

Here's something to consider as you watch Hollywood's annual ultimate ego-fest.

George Clooney won the award for Best Supporting Actor. At first, his acceptance speech was self-deprecating and sort of funny. Then, he turned subtly political. He addressed charges that Hollywood is out of touch with the rest of the country.

He went on to say that the Hollywood community was the first to address AIDS, and civil rights issues, etc. If that's out of touch, then Clooney boasted that he's proud to be out of touch.

Yes, the Hollywood community is SO socially conscious. What would the rest of us do without the enlightened Hollywood elite to show us the way, to be our moral compass?

WE'D BE LOST!

There was a very self-congratulatory film montage of the different social issues that Hollywood has tackled.

After, Jon Stewart sarcastically commented that none of those issues were ever a problem again.

THAT was funny.

Read how these champions of the down-trodden sacrifice for the good of humanity.

Hollywood -- Celebrities who have it all - fame, glamour and riches - will stagger to their limousines after Sunday's Oscars under the weight of tens of thousands of dollars of free swag.

Whether they win or lose at the 78th annual Academy Awards, the stars won't exactly be going home empty handed.

Each of the 120-odd nominees and the galaxy of Oscar presenters are rewarded for the time, nerves and red-carpet exposure to pesky paparazzi with a "swag bag" of luxurious loot that was last year worth more than $100,000.

That figure dwarfs the entire production budgets of most of this year's best-picture nominees, a string of small-budget or independent films that cost between $6.5m (Crash) and $14m (Brokeback Mountain).

"The real race lies in who can give celebs the best free stuff," quipped the entertainment industry bible, Daily Variety, of the one-week run-up to the 78th annual Academy Awards.

Botox injections and plastic surgery

In their baskets of goodies this year, Hollywood's good and great will be treated to pampering ranging from vacations in Bora Bora, to sets of Tahitian pearls, to custom-made lingerie and even Botox injections and plastic surgery.

Other necessities that will be slipped into the groaning goodie bags are Swarovski crystal-encrusted Palm Treo smartphones, diamond rings, cameras monogrammed in diamonds, and custom-tailored Hugo Boss suits.

What started out as a thoughtful gesture by Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences bosses in 1988, has become a multimillion-dollar industry that has spread all the way across Hollywood's frenzied annual awards season.

While the academy won't talk about what's inside the treasure troves of loot for the rich and famous or what it's worth, details of the sumptuous gifts leak out as donors frequently can't resist talking.

Charlize Theron-type pearls

Among the other bundles of gifts coming their way are laser eye surgery, dog biscuits in the form of Oscar statuettes, anti-ageing cream and jewels that makers hope will pop up on stars the next time they sashay before the cameras.

Gifts - such as a voucher for $20,000 worth of cosmetic surgery or the set of pearls that has been tailored to the look of South African best-actress nominee Charlize Theron - will also be highly visible marketing tools.

Other goodies, such as a $27,000 weekend in a five-star hotel in the famed desert gambling hub of Las Vegas, will add glamour and prestige to the hotel when an Oscar-nominated turns up to stay.

And the giving will go on after the Oscars, too, as stars showing up at music legend Elton John's Aids foundation party a few kilometres away will reportedly get sparkling baubles from one of the party's sponsors, Swiss jeweller Chopard.

Herbal hangover remedy

And one gift basket that will go to selected stars, a $52,000 "Everyone Wins at the Oscars" hamper, will make sure that even the morning after the Oscars feels good, too, but adding a herbal hangover prevention potion.

Distinctive Assets boasted: "Many people tell us they cannot even enjoy a glass or two of champagne or other spirits without suffering the next day.

"They thank us for our patented herbal extract because it really does prevent hangovers," said the entertainment marketing firm.

How do these social activists reconcile such material extravagance with their self-image as do-gooders?

How can they, in good conscience, take part in this practice of "celebrity gifting" and accept tens of thousands of dollars of freebies when there are so many suffering people in this country and around the world?

"A voucher for $20,000 worth of cosmetic surgery"?

Noooooo. That's not out of touch.
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There's another shot of Nicholson.

I really should have kept an official tally.