Frank Rich is Dale Gribble

Since George W. Bush took office, I can't read a Frank Rich column without thinking of Dale Gribble from King of the Hill.

Dale is a complete wacko and totally paranoid when it comes to the government. Everything is a conspiracy. Nothing is what it seems. No one in the government is to be trusted.

One of Dale's favorite quotes: "Guns don't kill people. The Government does."

Rich's writings are as off the wall and loony as Dale's theories about aliens, anal probes, and government plots to get him.

Rich's Sunday column has that Dale Gribble edge, "Who Really Took Over During That Colonoscopy."

I kid you not. That's the title of his column.

He writes:

There was, of course, gallows humor galore when Dick Cheney briefly grabbed the wheel of our listing ship of state during the presidential colonoscopy last weekend. Enjoy it while it lasts. A once-durable staple of 21st-century American humor is in its last throes. We have a new surrogate president now. Sic transit Cheney. Long live David Petraeus!

It was The Washington Post that first quantified General Petraeus’s remarkable ascension. President Bush, who mentioned his new Iraq commander’s name only six times as the surge rolled out in January, has cited him more than 150 times in public utterances since, including 53 in May alone.

As always with this White House’s propaganda offensives, the message in Mr. Bush’s relentless repetitions never varies. General Petraeus is the “main man.” He is the man who gives “candid advice.” Come September, he will be the man who will give the president and the country their orders about the war.

And so another constitutional principle can be added to the long list of those junked by this administration: the quaint notion that our uniformed officers are supposed to report to civilian leadership. In a de facto military coup, the commander in chief is now reporting to the commander in Iraq. We must “wait to see what David has to say,” Mr. Bush says.

Actually, we don’t have to wait. We already know what David will say. He gave it away to The Times of London last month, when he said that September “is a deadline for a report, not a deadline for a change in policy.” In other words: Damn the report (and that irrelevant Congress that will read it) - full speed ahead.

...On Tuesday - a week after the National Intelligence Estimate warned of the resurgence of bin Laden’s Qaeda in Pakistan - Mr. Bush gave a speech in which he continued to claim that “Al Qaeda in Iraq” makes Iraq the central front in the war on terror. He mentioned Al Qaeda 95 times but Pakistan and Pervez Musharraf not once. Two days later, his own top intelligence officials refused to endorse his premise when appearing before Congress. They are all too familiar with the threats that are building to a shrill pitch this summer.

Should those threats become a reality while America continues to be bogged down in Iraq, this much is certain: It will all be the fault of President Petraeus.

Dale Gribble.

Frank Rich drivel.

I see very little difference.