Dustin Hoffman and Conan O'Brien

(Screen grab/NBC)

For the second night in a row, Dustin Hoffman has contributed to the coarsening of the culture.

Monday night during his appearance on David Letterman's show, he told an off-color true story involving José Ferrer.

Tuesday night, Hoffman was a guest on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He outdid himself.

Hoffman told a "Christmas dirty joke." It was about nine-year-old Johnny playing with his toy train set the day after Christmas. His mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner as Johnny was in the living room. While playing, the boy was using foul language, repeatedly dropping the F-bomb.

Johnny said, "All aboard for San Francisco. Everybody who's getting on the train, get the f--- on. Everybody who's getting off, get the f--- off."

The same for Los Angeles.

(Naturally, Hoffman was bleeped each time he used the word.)

Johnny's mother overheard the boy using the bad language. She reprimanded him, told him to never use that sort of profanity again. She sent him to his room to think about what he had done.

About an hour later, Johnny was back at his train. The mother was listening.

Johnny was going through his "all aboard" routine minus the f-words. The mother was happy that the problem was solved.

"All aboard for San Diego. Everybody who's getting on the train, get on. Everybody who's getting off the train, get off. And if you're wondering why the train is an hour and fifteen minutes late, ask the c--- in the kitchen."

After the punch line, O'Brien feigned shock, got up from his desk, and hid behind the Christmas tree.



Hoffman is a good storyteller and he was funny, but I don't think that's appropriate for network TV.

There was more. At the end of his segment, he interrupted O'Brien as he was wrapping it up by saying, "I have a very short physical dirty joke."

The audience cheered.

Hoffman warned that the camera would have to travel, following him for the joke.

O'Brien told him to "go for it."

Hoffman asked, "Do you know how to masturbate a dinosaur?"

First, that question doesn't make sense. That's beside the point, I guess.

I won't describe exactly what Hoffman did, but he ran from one end of the set to the other.

I don't know why the NBC and CBS censors allow Hoffman to get away with this stuff. It's probably because he's Dustin Hoffman.

O'Brien concluded, "One of the real pleasures of my television career is getting to meet you and have you on the show. Really. It's a real honor."