Bill Maher and Jay Leno, February 10

(Screen grab/NBC)

Bill Maher, looking as greasy as ever, was on Tuesday's Tonight Show. Actually, Maher looked greasier than usual.

Of course, Jay Leno and Maher talked about Barack Obama.

Maher said, "Wow, we did it. We elected a black guy. Great."

The crowd applauded.

Leno asked him to evaluate how Obama has done so far.

Maher took the opportunity to bash President Bush. What a shock! I didn't see that coming.

Maher spoke of the mess Obama inherited.

"First of all, you have to look at in perspective, you know. He is coming in after Bush, that's like, you know, being a maid in a hotel after Led Zeppelin has stayed there."

Then he mumbled something about Bush's "leave no dollar behind" program.

Maher admitted that Obama had made some rookie mistakes but noted that we'd be much worse off if McCain had won.

"Think of what the mood we would be in if it was old man McCain and Cruella de Vil in there right now."

The audience liked that.

About the economic stimulus plan, Maher said, "That is a big package, even for a black man."

What a comic genius!

Maher commented on how hard Obama tried to reach out to the Republicans. He bemoaned the fact that only 3 Republicans voted for the stimulus plan.

He asked, "What happened to the honeymoon? Weren't you supposed to get a honeymoon?"

Maher said, "I mean this is like going to Niagara Falls and you find out you're not gonna get laid. You're wife is a dude, and the hotel's on fire. The Falls are made of blood, not water."

Next topic: The more relaxed dress code in the Obama White House.

Maher mocked President Bush.

Transcript

MAHER: There were pictures of [Obama] just in a shirt and not his coat. This enraged the Republicans, which is such a double standard. I seem to recall we were happy if Bush didn't try to put his pants on over his head. He peed himself on 9/11 but his tie was straight.

I think that's really awful. Maher should be thanking President Bush for keeping the nation safe since the attacks.

What did Maher do on 9/11? Not long afterward, I remember he said, "Americans have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly."

Still talking about the White House dress code--

MAHER: The way they act like this is going to change everything, like, 'Oh, well, Obama's got casual Fridays. Yeah, sure, next thing you know he's going to be coming in with, you know, a neck tattoo and cornrows.' You know, I think people forget because they lived with eight years of the Bush clown posse that this is what people do when they're working. They take their coat off, OK?

Next topic: The Michael Phelps bong incident. Naturally, Maher spoke in favor of pot smokers.

MAHER: He's taking a bong hit and now he's O.J.

I wish we would end the charade in this country that putting marijuana in your body is somehow worse than a thousand other things that people put in their body, including anything made by Kellogg's...

You know, Michael Phelps, he's a nice young guy, but you know what? I just wish sometime when somebody gets 'caught' smoking marijuana they wouldn't be such a wimp about it. 'I made a misjudgment.' Yes, when you acted like such a pussy about not standing up and saying, 'Excuse me, I'm an adult. I can do things that an adult can do. I wouldn't recommend this for children, but I wouldn't recommend driving a car or having sex or starting a fire for children.'

I'm surprised that didn't get bleeped, but it didn't.

Maher completely disregarded the millions of dollars in endorsements that Phelps is raking in. Phelps' image matters.

After the commercial break, Maher and Leno continued to talk about pot and Phelps.

Maher asked Leno, "Have you ever had a bong hit?"

Leno sort of dodged and said, "I don't even drink alcohol, so to me the whole thing is a moot point."

Maher joked with Leno, telling him that "even presidents admit they've had a bong hit."

Maher continued to rant about Kellogg.

MAHER: Americans just have a very weird idea of what is healthy and what is not healthy for them, and where things fall on that scale. And I'm sorry, but the products made by Kellogg, in fact, everything in the super[market]...

Talking about Alex Rodriguez and his admission that he used steroids, Maher went on trashing the way Americans eat.

MAHER: Let me tell you something folks. You're all on steroids. If you eat the food in America, if you eat the cows, if you eat the chickens, if you eat the pigs, they shoot them all up with steroids, hormones... This is why people are so sick. I'm serious.

I didn't know Maher was such an organic guy.

On the mother of the octuplets, he asked, "Why can't some people just be labeled baby addicts?"

"The fire marshall had to close down her vagina."

"How is she gonna complete her duties as the governor of Alaska?"

Why bring Sarah Palin into this?

Maher was bitter about getting passed up for an Oscar nomination for his documentary, Religulous.

MAHER: Snubbed by the Academy. That just shows you what, how this topic is treated in America. I mean, and Entertainment Weekly said it right, they said if the Academy wants to be completely irrelevant, they're doing a hell of a good job by not nominating this film.

He complained that people didn't see the film, which was weird because when Leno introduced Maher, he mentioned that Religulous was the highest grossing documentary of last year.

Maher hawked the DVD, saying that now no one can stop people from seeing it, as if there were some sort of conspiracy. Maher contends that the religion topic was too hot.

MAHER: So many people wrote to me and said, 'We couldn't see it in the theaters 'cause it wasn't playing within 300 miles of us,' because once again, this is America. Well, now you can see it on DVD. They can't stop you from seeing it.

Yeah, right. Maybe people just aren't Bill Maher fans. That doesn't seem to have crossed his mind.