UPDATE: http://www.toughbastard.org/ takes you to the SNL home page.
Saturday Night Live opened with a bit that actually lampooned Barack Obama and the government's takeover of private businesses.
Fred Armisen, as Obama, was addressing the American people from Europe. It was funny because Armisen was sitting at the desk of the usual Oval Office SNL set.
He explained what he had done regarding GM and Chrysler. Then he told Americans to prepare for much, MUCH more of the same.
OBAMA (Armisen): Now, some have suggested that these demands are unfair. They feel that the auto industry is being singled out for punishment and held to a higher standard than other sectors of the U.S. economy. Not so.
Let me assure you in the days ahead my administration intends to do to every industry in this country exactly what we are doing to the automakers. When we're finished every corporation in America will have been thoroughly vetted for fiscal soundness. Those judged best able to compete in the global economy will be offered a government subsidy. The others will be asked to cease operations at once and go out of business. We hope they will do so voluntarily. If not, they will be shut down by force.
He went through a long (probably too long) list of businesses and operations that would be allowed to remain up and running and those that would be forced to shut down.
OBAMA: Here are some we've decided on so far. In the category of riding lawnmowers-- It's John Deere... YES. Toro... NO.
Air conditioners-- Lennox, congratulations, you made the grade. Carrier... I'm sorry. It's not working out.
Blue jeans-- Levi... YES. Wrangler... NO.
Coffemakers-- KitchenAid... YES, excellent work. Mr. Coffee... Sorry, I'm just not seeing it.
Light bulbs-- General Electric... That's a YES. Sylvania... Regretfully, NO.
Recliner chairs-- La-Z-Boy... YES, provided you reduce your carbon footprint. BarcaLounger... I'm sorry, NO. But you had a good run there.
Baseball mitts-- Rawlings... Way to go, you hung in there. Wilson... You did not.
Now, toothpaste, I went back and forth on this. Colgate... YES. Crest... NO. Pepsodent... For now, YES, but we really need to see some improvement in the company magazine, and soon.
Frozen shrimp-- Gorton's of Gloucester... YES. Mrs. Paul's... NO, absolutely not.
Ballpoint pens-- Paper Mate... You made it, although some of the activity at your company Christmas party we feel crossed the line. BIC... I hope you'll understand, but NO.
Trench coats-- Burberry... YES. Aquascutum... Surprisingly, NO.
Plastic vomit-- Jolly Time Corporation... Yes. Fun-Co Novelties... NO.
Window shades-- Levolor... Congratulations, YES. Comfortex... I'm sorry. It's not you. It's not me. It's just the situation.
Men's briefs-- Hanes... YES. Munsingwear... YES, but Munsingwear, your CEO has got to get a new suit. That's nonnegotiable. Fruit of the Loom-- I feel awful about this, but NO. There was nothing I could do.
Colleges-- Arizona State... YES. University of Arizona... I'm sorry. I honestly thought it would go the other way.
National Football League-- New York Giants... YES. Dallas Cowboys... YES. Pittsburgh Steelers... NO. If it's any consolation, I'm probably as surprised as you are.
Stroke magazines-- Playboy... YES. Hustler... YES. Penthouse... NO. Incidentally, to former President Clinton: Thanks for all your work on this.
And finally, soft drinks-- Coke... YES, you made it. Pepsi... You as well. 7UP... I'm sorry. You should have seen this coming.
These are just a few of the determinations we have made so far. For the rest, and new rulings as they are announced, please visit our website at www.toughbastard.org. So, thank you for your attention. May God bless America.
I'm stunned that SNL actually called Obama on his unprecedented power grab and unwarranted intervention in the private sector.
By the way, I think Fred Armisen does a dramatically better job of reading a teleprompter than Obama does.