FREEDOM EDEN: Jay Leno: Manny Ramirez and Brett Favre

Friday, May 8, 2009

Jay Leno: Manny Ramirez and Brett Favre

For the second night in a row, Jay Leno has used Brett Favre as a punch line.

From Friday's Tonight Show:

JAY LENO: I'm sure you know by now the Dodgers' Manny Ramirez has been suspended 50 games after testing positive for performance enhancing drugs. In fact, right before last night's game, I saw the game last night, officials said baseball is a family sport and they will not tolerate any performance enhancing drugs. And then they showed the usual commercials for Viagra, Cialis, Levitra. You know, the usual. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right.

Actually, do you know who's replacing him? Do you know who's replacing Manny in the outfield for those 50 games? I was shocked. Brett Favre. Yeah, Brett Favre. He's coming back! He's coming back!

The audience laughed and applauded.

Favre... What a joke!

1 comment:

Nomad said...: Manny seems to have so much talent, it's surprising that he felt the need to use; heck, it's surprising that he was dumb enough to use; 10:45 PM, May 14, 2009

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----------------------------

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--HILLARY CLINTON

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--BILL CLINTON

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--MICHELLE OBAMA

"If asking a billionaire to pay the same tax rate as a Jew, uh, as a janitor, makes me a warrior for the working class, I wear that with a badge of honor."

----------------------------

"If you love me, you got to help me pass this bill."

----------------------------

"[F]or most of my lifetime, the United States was such a dominant economic power, we were such a large market, our industry, our technology, our manufacturing was so significant that we always met the rest of the world economically on our terms. And now, because of the incredible rise of India and China and Brazil and other countries, the United States remains the largest economic and the largest market but there’s real competition out there. And that's potentially healthy. It makes -- Michelle was saying earlier I like tough questions because it keeps me on my toes. Well, this will keep America on its toes."

----------------------------

"If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, 'We're gonna PUNISH OUR ENEMIES and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,' if they don't see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it's gonna be harder and that's why I think it's so important that people focus on voting on November 2."

----------------------------

"We don't mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but THEY GOTTA SIT IN BACK."

----------------------------

"We can absorb a terrorist attack. We'll do everything we can to prevent it, but even a 9/11, even the biggest attack ever... we absorbed it and we are stronger."

----------------------------

"We're buying shrimp, guys."

----------------------------

"We are the ones we've been waiting for."

----------------------------

"We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick."

----------------------------

"We're not trying to push financial reform because we begrudge success that's fairly earned. I mean, I do think at a certain point you've made enough money. But, you know, part of the American way is, you know, you can just keep on making it if you’re providing a good product or you're providing good service. We don't want people to stop fulfilling the core responsibilities of the financial system to help grow the economy."

----------------------------

"If you've got a business, you didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen."

----------------------------

"It is a vital national security interest of the United States to reduce these conflicts because whether we like it or not, we remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, one way or another we get pulled into them. And that ends up costing us significantly in terms of both blood and treasure."

----------------------------

"But I -- I think that the most important thing for the public to understand is, we're not handling any of these cases any different than the Bush administration handled them all through 9/11."

----------------------------

"One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world -- Navy CORPSE-MAN Christian [sic] Brossard. And lying on a gurney aboard the USNS Comfort, a woman asked Christopher: 'Where do you come from? What country? After my operation,' she said, 'I will pray for that country.' And in Creole, CORPSE-MAN Brossard responded, 'Etazini.' The United States of America."

----------------------------

"I hear that Dr. Joe Medicine Crow was around, and so I want to give a shout-out to that Congressional Medal of Honor winner. It's good to see you."

----------------------------

"We are God's partners in matters of life and death."

----------------------------

"[T]he Cambridge police acted stupidly."

----------------------------

"I am going to teach [my daughters] first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."

----------------------------

"The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings, and INEFFICIENCIES to our health care system."

----------------------------

"Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it."

--BARACK OBAMA

NOTEWORTHY QUOTATIONS

"In a word, freedom is ever new. It is a challenge held out to each generation, and it must constantly be won over for the cause of good.... [A] democracy without values can lose its very soul."

--POPE BENEDICT XVI

"When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society."

--POPE JOHN PAUL II

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."

--MOTHER TERESA

"To promote choice for its own sake is more akin to self-indulgence than self-determination. It is the philosophy of a pre-schooler in a candy shop."

--BRIAN POLLARD, M.D.

"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people."

--MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

"The house we hope to build is not for my generation but for yours. It is your future that matters. And I hope that when you are my age, you will be able to say as I have been able to say: We lived in freedom. We lived lives that were a statement, not an apology."

--RONALD REAGAN

"Liberalism is the philosophy of the stupid."

--MARK LEVIN

"We are Warriors forever."

--BO ELLIS

"I know how much you're supposed to enjoy every sandwich, you know."

--WARREN ZEVON

FREEDOM EDEN

Friday, May 8, 2009

Jay Leno: Manny Ramirez and Brett Favre

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