JAY LENO: It is Day 3 of the shutdown and right now 33 percent of the government is doing absolutely nothing, which is not bad considering before the shutdown 80 percent wasn't doing anything. Actually, not bad at all.
Some good news... Apparently, ObamaCare does cover carpal tunnel syndrome, the result of pressing the computer trying to get through to stupid ObamaCare.
Regarding the problems of starting up ObamaCare, President Obama said, he talked about it, he made this analogy - 'Hey, Apple had some glitches with the iPhone, but then they fixed them.' Technically, the president is correct. But you gotta remember, Apple has geniuses working there.
You see the effects of the shutdown all over Washington, even the Lincoln monument. You know where it says 'government of the people, by the people, for the people'? That's gone. Now it says 'government screw the people.' Totally different.
You know who I feel sorry for? The astronauts on the International Space Station. Today, they called Houston and got voicemail.
Today, Michelle Obama told fat kids, 'You're on your own. Eat a damn Happy Meal. I don't care.'
It's so bad President Obama switched to miniature golf. That's how bad.
With the government shutdown, the New York Giants can't even file for disaster relief. That's how bad it's gotten.
Smokey the Bear can't afford toys for his kids. He told 'em just go out and play with matches.