JAY LENO: German Chancellor Angela Merkel furious the NSA tapped her private cell phone. And yesterday, the White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced that the White House did not use its surveillance of foreign governments for any economic purposes or any economic gain. Maybe it should have. We would have learned something about running an economy possibly. We wouldn't be in this mess. Why didn't we do that?___________________
A lot of things are going on this country right now. This is really a time for self-examination for all Americans. We have to learn to examine ourselves. Do you know why? Because it doesn't look like we're going to get any decent health care. If you don't examine yourself, you're just screwed.
Despite the fact that for years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their health care plan, now the White House has admitted, in fact, many, many people will lose their plan. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress, then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing. Fantastic.
It's being reported that the president has known for three years that people would lose their coverage. The press is now saying the president lied. But today, the White House said that's not true, he did not lie. And they released this tape from three years ago to prove it. Here's what he said three years ago:
(Video clip of Obama)There was some good news today for embattled Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Obamacare will cover all her injuries after the White House throws her under the bus. So, she is fully covered.
OBAMA: If you like your doctor, you (different voice dubbed over) 'CANNOT' keep your doctor. If you like your private health insurance plan, you (different voice dubbed over) 'CANNOT' keep your plan.
This is not looking good. This isRemember the old days when Obama's worst embarrassment was Joe Biden? Remember those days? What happened?
Have you tried to get on the webcare site? It is slow.
It is so slow by the time you sign up for ObamaCare you're eligible for Medicare. That's how slow.
It is slower than a ticket scalper at a Jacksonville Jaguars game. That's how slow it is.
It is working slower than the band's Rogaine. That's how slow it is.
It is slower than a Barneys employee waiting on an African American customer. That's how slow it is.