JAY LENO: You know, it's really trick or treat time at the White House. President Obama tricks us into thinking we'd be able to afford treatment. Trick or treatment, trick or treatment.
Well now, the federal trade commission reports that con artists are using confusion over ObamaCare to sign people up, you know, for what they call fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises. They say stuff like, 'If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan.' See, they'll tell you that. The scammers will tell you that, but you have to be careful.
Well now a lot of people are accusing the president of being less than truthful. In fact, a couple weeks ago, President Obama called me, told me personally, if I like my current job, I can keep my current job. And I believed him. Yeah, I believed him. Exactly.
Well, according to the L.A. Times, regarding the promises made about ObamaCare, some officials privately said, this is what they said today, officials said they privately wished they'd left more wiggle room. Wiggle room. See, only in politics is the truth considered wiggle room. Really.
What is it about selling insurance that makes people liars. Have you noticed this? It doesn't matter if it's your brother-in–law trying to sell it to you or the president of the United States, they're all just liars when it comes to insurance. I have no idea why that is. I don't know.
I don't know if you saw the hearings today. Three different members of Congress compared ObamaCare to The Wizard of Oz. Actually, Congress is like The Wizard of Oz. The Republicans have no heart; the Democrats have no courage; and the people who run the ObamaCare website have no brains. OK? So, the whole thing, it basically is The Wizard of Oz.
And this ObamaCare website, boy, it's been nothing but problems. Hasn't it? Oh, my God. Given how difficult it is to logon, today Edward Snowden said even he couldn't get in. He said, 'That's it.'
How many people have tried? Have you tried?
(Only one or two people in the audience respond.)
It's really slow. It is really slow.
It is slower than Thanksgiving dinner at your in-laws' house. That's how slow it is.
It is slower than Chris Christie driving uphill in a Prius. That's how slow it is.
It is slower than a George Clooney marriage proposal. That's how slow it is.
It is slower than Dr. Conrad Murray checking up on a patient. That's how slow it is.
It is slower than a friend telling Julianne Hough, 'You might want to rethink that Halloween costume. You might want to change your mind.'