Sunday, November 17, 2013

Obama's Plans to Fix ObamaCare - Details

In addition to King Obama declaring he will ignore the requirements of the Affordable Care Act and "allow" insurance companies to let individuals facing the cancellation of their health care plans keep them for one more year, Obama has other plans to fix the floundering LAW.

Here are some of Obama's other fixes:

  • Replacing glitchy website with a convenient in-person enrollment kiosk located in Washington, D.C.

  • Enrollees allowed to keep preexisting medical conditions

  • Customers will no longer be automatically opted in to the weekly newsletter “Talkin’ Premiums” when they purchase insurance on the exchange

  • Allowing enrollees choice of whether to stay with their current doctor or go with well-regarded Minneapolis-area general practitioner Dr. Joel Glochowsky

  • Losing the semicolon in Chapter V, section 5, clause B

  • As a preventive measure, each American receives free raw steak to reduce swelling on shiners

  • Meeting insurance companies halfway by letting them cancel health care plans for only the sickest patients

  • Obama agrees to preface all future health care updates with statement, “This thing is a hell of a mess”

  • Eliminates requirement for every enrollee to contract terminal disease

  • Offering easy-to-follow instructions on how to snap your own neck in the event that you are diagnosed with cancer and lost your insurance

  • Changing website background to blue

  • Thank you, "America's Finest News Source," The Onion.