Friday, April 7, 2017

Jay Leno Monologue on Fallon: Caitlyn Jenner, Pelosi, Weiner, Hillary, Bill, Trump

Jay Leno was Jimmy Fallon's guest on Thursday in Orlando.

As with his past Tonight Show appearances, Leno once again did a portion of the monologue.

Following their past routines, Fallon gets injured and needs someone to tag in for him. Enter Leno.

JAY LENO: At the ACMs, Willie Nelson announced he is writing his memoirs, and Willie said in his memoirs he will explain how marijuana has affected his life. Here's how it affected his life: He started writing his memoir in 1946.

And according to the National Enquirer, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian - headed for divorce. See, I don't believe it. I don't think he would ever leave her behind.

And quarterback Colin Kaepernick has done a complete 180. He now says he will stand for the National Anthem. He's now sitting for the games, but he's standing, he's standing for the anthem.

And Caitlyn Jenner told Diane Sawyer she is writing her autobiography. See, I think that's gonna be one of those 'He said, She said.'

And Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson was on the show last night. He was named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Bernie Sanders screwed again.

Hey, let me ask you, when are the Democrats gonna get some new blood? Do you realize 76-year-old Nancy Pelosi is now the tightly stretched face of the Democratic Party? Did you know that?

Oh, speaking of Democrats, here's some good gossip you might not know. After Anthony Weiner's last scandal, he actually called Bill Clinton to apologize. See, that's when you know your life has gone off the rails, when your sexual behavior offends Bill Clinton.

Listen to this, and speaking of the Clintons, last Saturday, Bill asked Hillary to renew their wedding vows. Well, it's something he does every April Fools' Day.

Well, I'm sure you know by now Donald Trump says he is skipping the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Of course, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie - furious. Christie, as you know, has never skipped a dinner in his life.

Let me ask you something. Trump said he won't throw out the first pitch, he's skipping the Correspondents' Dinner. Is he that thin-skinned? You know, if this guy was any more of a pussy, he could grab himself.

And where are all these jobs? Where are all these jobs Trump promised? You know Sears just announced they're closing 42 stores. Do you know what that means? Lost jobs for 42 sales clerks.

Then, as in previous appearances, Leno launched into a series of jokes about how bad the economy is.

LENO: The economy is bad. The only people jumping the White House fence are contractors trying to get Trump to pay their bills. That's how bad the economy is.

The economy is so bad Kellogg had to sell Tony the Tiger to a Chinese zoo. That's how bad it is.

The economy is so bad at Mattel Barbie - now living in her Dream Car. That's how bad it is.

The economy is so bad a family in Africa has adopted Madonna. That's now bad it is.

The economy is so bad Kathie Lee and Hoda have taken side jobs as bartenders just for the free drinks. That's how bad.

It is so bad I saw Matthew McConaughey talking to himself in a Kia. That's how bad it is.
Jimmy Fallon joined Leno.
JIMMY FALLON: I got one. I got one. This is good. I got one. The economy is bad.

AUDIENCE: How bad is it?

FALLON: The economy is so bad Kendall Jenner just did a commercial for RC Cola.

The economy is so bad the CEO of Netflix is using his name for his password.

It is so bad Crate and Barrel is actually selling crates and barrels.

The economy is bad. It is so bad The Weeknd had to change his name to The Workweek.

The economy is so bad even Sean Spicer is admitting it's bad.

And that ended the monologue portion of the show.

I enjoy this routine that Leno and Fallon do each time Leno is a guest.

It's nice that they seem to have a genuinely good relationship.

Leno knows how to do a monologue. He has balance, targeting Democrats and Republicans. That makes it fun for everyone.

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