John Roberts Is a Disgrace

John Roberts sat around and did nothing while U.S. citizens were thrown in solitary confinement without a trial for years, but when a foreign terrorist illegal was deported, Roberts suddenly became very concerned with due process.

— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) April 22, 2025

For First Time In History, Supreme Court Has 5 Female Justices https://t.co/T9n5ZWttOZ pic.twitter.com/Heo6CrZ3zc

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 22, 2025

From the Babylon Bee:

"It's humbling and exciting to be a part of this group," Chief Justice Roberts said in a statement. "While the court has been graced by several strong women over the years, this is the first time there have been five of us sitting on the court at the same time. Having a female majority on the Supreme Court is an amazing accomplishment. We did it, ladies!"

Historians agreed that the female majority was a true milestone for the court, opening the door for many landmark decisions. "It will be interesting to see where this leads the country," said Professor Harold Benson, who has studied both the Supreme Court and women for many years. "We've heard rumors that the court may rule in favor of the death penalty in cases where toilet seats are left up. The male justices on the court simply won't have enough votes to strike it down."

At publishing time, in a long-awaited Supreme Court ruling, despite insiders believing them to be mad about something, the five female justices issued a joint opinion that simply read, "It's fine."