Jimmy Fallon: Iowa Caucus Jokes

JIMMY FALLON: On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than one percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the one percent before. 'It's always the one percent!'

Actually, Hillary is facing criticism for declaring victory in Iowa prematurely. The final results weren't actually announced until around 1:00 PM on Tuesday, but she declared victory back in April of last year.

After receiving less than one percent support in the Iowa caucuses, Martin O'Malley suspended his presidential campaign. In a related story, the New York Jets have announced that they've decided to not play in the Super Bowl this week.

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Over on the Republican side, Ted Cruz made history by becoming the first Hispanic to win the Iowa caucus. Then Cruz said, 'And the first Canadian! I mean, nothing.'

Now, this isn't good, you guys, right here. Experts are saying that the low turnout for Jeb Bush in Iowa means that he spent almost $3000 per vote. Talk about a waste of $6000!

Iowa Caucus Observations

Finally, we're done speculating. We have concrete results to analyze in Iowa.

Some observations and thoughts:

DEMOCRATS

---Hillary is in trouble. It's Groundhog Day for her, 2008 all over again.

---Democrats proudly embraced the proud SOCIALIST, Bernie Sanders.

---The race between Hillary and Bernie was so close, Martin O'Malley, even with his minuscule support, actually managed to have an impact on the results.

---A dead heat is not a victory for either candidate.

REPUBLICANS

---Don't believe polls. We were supposed to witness the Trump juggernaut. Instead, Donald Trump had to accept second place with a smile. 

---Respecting the process is important. Trump ducking out of a debate just a few days before the caucus was a mistake.

---Turns out Trump wasn't too big to lose. Well, he didn't lose, but he didn't win. Second place is not a victory.

---Jeb, Jeb, Jeb. Time to stop wasting money and let this one go.

---Marco Rubio clearly has momentum. He did an excellent job delivering his post-caucus speech, wisely using the forum to reach a broad audience. If he's not the nominee for president, and I think he could/should be, he belongs on the ticket as the vice presidential nominee.

---Ted Cruz is apparently likable enough. The "everyone hates Cruz" narrative obviously is a false one. Deal with it, Establishment.

---Regarding the awful behavior by the Trump-hating pundits and factions of the Trump-hating conservative media: After months of their tantrums and their incessant mocking of Trump supporters, it's going to be hard for them to regain the respect they've lost among the many of us paying attention to the truly embarrassing spectacle. It wasn't at all necessary to further alienate a significant portion of the electorate. But, they did, utilizing childish terms like "Trumpkins."

---I'm glad Cruz won and I'm glad Rubio did so well.

---What we have is a three-person race.

Dem Debate

Didn't watch it.

Pointless.

Martin O'Malley Apologizes

Martin O'Malley is not fit to be president.

He apologized for saying "all lives matter."

Imagine that.

From Mediaite:

Democratic presidential candidate Martin O’Malley apologized Sunday for telling black activists at liberal conference Netroots Nation that “all lives matter.”

O’Malley’s conversation with journalist Jose Antonio Vargas was interrupted by protesters Saturday, when they lept to the stage chanting “Black lives matter,” and grabbed the microphone. “Black lives matter,” he agreed. “White lives matter. All lives matter.”

Later, when being interviewed at Netroots Nation for the podcast This Week in Blackness, the former Maryland governor was challenged by host L Joy Williams. “Do you understand the difference in responding in that conversation in that context with ‘all lives matter’ or ‘white lives matter’ when we’re specifically talking about black death that is not all-inclusive?”

“I certainly do,” O’Malley responded. “I believe what I first said was that black lives matter before those other two phrases.”

“That was a mistake on my part and I meant no disrespect,” he continued. “I did not mean to be insensitive in any way or communicate that I did not understand the tremendous passion, commitment and feeling and depth of feeling that all of us should be attaching to this issue.”

O'Malley should grow a spine.