Xytex: Sperm Bank's Stimulus Deal

The banking crisis has touched us all in one way or another. It's aroused outrage in some and fear in others.

One bank is trying to help people through these tough times by offering a stimulus deal.

From AFP:

One of the oldest banks of its kind in the United States, Xytex International, on Tuesday rolled out a stimulus package for customers who are hurting in these tough economic times.

Xytex is a sperm bank, and it's offering up to 200 dollars off a vial of sperm to clients wishing to start or add to their family, but need a little help.

"We're all feeling the effects of the economy and, especially for families seeking reproductive options, every dollar counts," Xytex spokeswoman Danielle Moores told AFP.

So, Xytex is offering deals on vials from "select" donors, who come a bit cheaper than the usual "standard" donor.

"Select donors are a new level of donor which we introduced to try to help our clients who are interested in third-party reproduction but, with the tough economy, are having a little bit of trouble purchasing a regular donor," Moores told AFP.

Select donors, explained Moores, are men from whom Xytex has "many, many vials because they're very successful donors or able to stop in several times a week or -- for whatever reason, we have a huge inventory," and it is being made available in a sort of clearance sale.

If you were looking for a sperm donor, would you want a deposit from a "select" donor?

Who are the "select"? They're either "very successful donors" or they're "able to stop in several times a week," providing a "huge inventory." Well, I guess some people do have a lot of time on their hands.

I suppose some clearance deals are in order.

Assuming you're in the market for the stuff, is sperm really something that you want to buy on sale?

Xytex prefers to call it the balancing effect of supply and demand.

"Select donors haven't reached the end of their shelf-life, they're just over-produced," Moores said.

Select donor units run between 250 and 350 dollars, representing a savings of between 135 and 235 dollars on comparable vials from a standard Xytex donor, which start at 385 dollars and go up to 585 dollars.

When you've "overproduced," what can you do?

I hope the clearance sale is successful. I don't want Xytex looking for a government bailout. Xytex, like any business in the private sector, would be wise not to accept money from the government. It gets too messy when the government gets involved, as we've seen with AIG.

If Xytex pays out bonuses, Barney Frank might demand names of the recipients.

I hope someone is watching the back of Xytex. Tim Geithner might want to seize the operation and then unwind what doesn't work.

I picture Geithner saying in testimony before the House Financial Services Committee: " . . . We must create a new resolution authority so that the federal government has the tools it needs to unwind an institution of the size and complexity of Xytex."

Government should stay out of the sperm bank business, in my opinion.