Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sarah Palin: Stand-up (Transcript)

After Jay Leno concluded his interview with Sarah Palin, she did a stand-up comedy routine. Leno brought up Palin moving from politics into the "talk show realm."

Transcript

JAY LENO: I know you are going to try something tonight you have never done before. I think it's very brave of you. I told you, we were talking, and I said, you know, to do a talk show you have to do a monologue. Are you willing to make your comedy debut tonight?

SARAH PALIN: You know, I am, and not even using cue cards. I will know these jokes like the front of my hands. I will try this.

Then, Palin briefly went backstage. Leno introduced her and she made her entrance.
LENO: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very excited, Kev. We have a new comedian on the show tonight. She's from Wasilla, Alaska. Making her comedy debut, please welcome Sarah Palin.

(Applause)

PALIN: Thank you, Jay. Thank you. Thank you. I am so happy to get to be here. This is the thrill of a lifetime, really. And Alaska, being so different from Los Angeles -- here when people have a frozen look on their face, I find out it's Botox.

(Laughter and applause)

It is so beautiful here, though, so warm and beautiful. Back home, ooh, it was freezing. It was 5 degrees below Congress' approval rating.

(Laughter and applause)

But great show tonight, Shaun White on the show. Oh, what an amazing athlete! I watched him do a Double McTwist 1260, and the only other people to do a Double McTwist 1260 was last week -- the White House, on health care.

(Laughter and applause)

It will be great to be on the same show as Shaun White. Last time I was this close to the Flying Tomato was when someone threw one at me at a book signing. And they did, it's true.

(Laughter and applause)

It's not funny. It's true.

I watched the Winter Olympics: skiing, fighting on the ice, skating, bobsledding. In Alaska, that's our morning commute.

(Laughter and applause)

And how about that amazing closing ceremony? It was beautiful. The minute I saw the giant moose, I remembered, hadn't cooked anything for the kids' dinner.

(Laughter and applause)

And that's because I've been really busy, and I have been really busy. Picked up a gig in Las Vegas at the Legends show playing Tina Fey.

(Laughter and applause)

And next, next I get to headline. I'll be the speaker at the NRA convention. So be there, or else!



(Laughter and applause)

The truth is though I'm glad that I'm not vice president. I'm glad because I would not know what to do with all that free time.

(Laughter and applause)

But Jay, thank you so much for inviting me. I saw where it's been a few weeks of unfair, non-stop criticism, people who don't know the real story. And I just say, 'Jay, welcome to my world.'


Video here.

No comments: