Dennis Miller and Jay Leno: Veterans Day - Video

Jay Leno has made it a tradition to devote the Tonight Show to members of the military on Veterans Day. The audience is made up entirely of men and women serving in the Armed Forces.

This year, Leno's guests were Kim Kardashian, Dennis Miller, and Soulja Boy.

Miller did stand-up for the first time ever on the Tonight Show. Even when he was Johnny Carson's guest, he never did stand-up on the program.

When Miller was winding down his monologue, he gave a heartfelt thank you to veterans and the military members in the audience.

Video.



Transcript

DENNIS MILLER: Listen, guys, I go around and I do these things at the bases and the hospitals and stuff like that; and I hope you know that there are a lot of people out here who on a day to day basis never forget that the whole thing we have here - the ability to do something like the Tonight Show, the ability to laugh at shows like the Tonight Show - there's a lot of bad men in this world. And occasionally the bad men have to have their herd thinned. And I just want you to know that there are a lot of us who...

(Applause)

You know, when I was a kid I used to read books about ancient Troy, and Achilles and guys like that, and you always wondered did they know they were living next to a guy like that. And then you meet guys like you and you remember at some point they're just a group of kids with balls the size of Macy's balloons that go out there...

(Applause)

...and give us every single luxury and freedom we have in this country. And we love you for it, and I thank you very much for having me.

Very nice.

Miller then sat down and chatted with Leno.

Video.



Some highlights:

MILLER: I'm socially liberal but I'm a conservative bent on a couple things like, you know, kicking terrorists' ass, and spending...

(Applause)

That seems so simple to me. I don't know why we're mincing around. F--- the terrorists.

(Applause)

If you were a patriot, you wouldn't bleep that.

MILLER: The only reason I tease [Michael Moore] is because he's a bit of a buzzkill about the United States of America, which is obviously the greatest country. I'm watching this show... Newsweek magazine, around a month ago, they have a story on the cover about the greatest countries to live in the entire world. They've got Finland number one, Switzerland number two, Sweden number three.

Finland - number one. Hey, Newsweek, go fjord yourself, OK?

Finland? Finland is the s--- little plastic village you set up under the Christmas tree once a year. The United States is the big, honkin' train that comes through and makes it all interesting. The best thing about living in Finland is they don't get Newsweek magazine.

MILLER: We got a transfer of power in the House. Now John Boehner took over. He got a little shaky the other night, turned into Tammy Faye Baker, breaking down three times like that. We're in the kill zone here, baby. You got to walk in, John. Don't go wobbly on me.

But we're still stuck with Pelosi who's thicker than a Charlie Sheen prenup. I can't believe she was the Speaker of the House. Every time I see Nancy Pelosi handling the gavel of the Speaker of the House, I feel like Charlton Heston waking up in the field and the chimp's on top of the pony, OK?

Every time she opened her mouth I would shake my head like you could blend paint colors in my body. I guarantee you that woman is crazy. She is bats--- crazy. I guarantee you that she sleeps upside down.