Thursday, October 10, 2013

Leno: Government Shutdown Jokes, October 9, 2013

JAY LENO: Well, this came out today. American adults scored below the national average on math, reading, and problem solving skills. Do we need a test to know that we're not good at problem solving? Can't we look at these morons in Washington and the shutdown and figure that out? Exactly. We are not problem solvers.

Because of the shutdown, the Department of Homeland Security has a new slogan: 'if you see something, remember what it is and call us when we go back to the office.'

But they said today the government shutdown will not interfere with NASA's next mission to Mars. Isn't that ironic? We can go to Mars. We can't go to the Statue of Liberty, but we can go to Mars. It's not a problem. You can't go to Yellowstone, oh no.

Hey Ricky, what's the difference between the government and Motel 6?

RICKEY MINOR: I don't know.

LENO: Motel 6 can afford to keep the lights on.

I tell you, I tell you the shutdown is hurting everbody.

The NSA has given up electronic surveillance - just holding a glass against the wall now. That's how bad it is.

The shutdown is so bad Harry Reid today was forced to take a part-time job as an extra on The Walking Dead. That's how bad it is.