COLIN JOST: The Senate voted Wednesday to confirm Jeff Beauregard Sessions as our new Confederate general, sorry, attorney general, attorney general.
Sessions was rejected for a position as a federal judge in 1986 over concerns of racism. But don't worry. If there's one thing that usually makes racists better, it's age.
My grandpa has gotten way more tolerant. Now he says, 'My African-American nurse is stealing from me.'