Psychedelic Warlord - Beto O'Rourke: 'The Song of the Cow'

Beto O'Rourke's writings are embarrassingly weird.

From the Daily Caller:

Beto O’Rourke’s recently unearthed membership in the hacking group “Cult of the Dead Cow” may not have included the “edgiest sorts of hacking activity,” but it did, apparently, include writing murder fantasies and exceptionally bad poetry.

Writing under the now-exposed pseudonym “Psychedelic Warlord,” a teen-aged O’Rourke appears to be the author of a poem titled “The Song of the Cow,” published in 1988 by “cDc (Cult of the Dead Cow) communications.”

I need a butt-shine,
Right now
You are holy,
Oh, sacred Cow
I thirst for you,
Provide Milk.

Buff my balls,
Love the Cow,
Good fortune for those that do.
Love me, breathe my feet,
The Cow has risen.

Wax my ass,
Scrub my balls.
The Cow has risen,
Provide Milk.

This sounds like lyrics from a Rick and Morty song.

Here's the rest of the poem, "The Song of the Cow."

Oh, Milky Wonder, sing for us once more,
Live your life, everlusting joy.
Thrust your hooves up my analytic passage,
Enjoy my fruits

Provider of Cheese and other wonderful dairy products,
We will cleanse your inner intestines.
We will bathe in your Pungent Odor,
Gather cotton.

Count my eyes,
Smell my skin,
Love the Scarecrow and the Milkman.
I live only for eternity,
Thirst for the undrinkable.
Hold the heat,
Praise the dough boy at the pizza shop.
Love the Oxen dung!

Beto must come to Wisconsin and do a reading of "The Song of the Cow."

"Provider of Cheese and other wonderful dairy products."

The State Fair coliseum would be the perfect place for him to wax eloquent about the beloved cow.

More on Beto's writings, from the Washington Examiner:

"The Song of the Cow" isn't the only odd piece of written work recently excavated from the former Texas congressman's past. As part of a Reuters investigation published Friday, it was discovered that O'Rourke — who was a member of the hacking group "Cult of the Dead Cow" — wrote a short story about deliberately running over a group of children in his car.

“As I neared the young ones, I put all my weight on my right foot, keeping the accelerator pedal on the floor until I heard the crashing of the two children on the hood, and then the sharp cry of pain from one of the two. I was so fascinated for a moment, that when after I had stopped my vehicle, I just sat in a daze, sweet visions filling my head," O'Rourke wrote.

The poem was funny, but there's nothing funny about running over children. That's really creepy, though it's fiction, right?

Psychedelic Warlord is a good pseudonym for Beto, almost as good as Anthony Weiner's Carlos Danger.

Almost.