Gail Collins: What Happens in Vegas...

In her New York Times column, Gail Collins talks Democrats and today's debate.

Some aspects of her analysis are stunningly lame.

Her discussion of trailblazer Hillary is particularly silly.

She writes:

We have never had anything approaching a female presidential front-runner before. For much of our history, women were prohibited from even speaking in public. The first woman to run for president in this country, Victoria Woodhull, almost got castrated for her uppityness. The first woman to run for a major political party presidential nomination, Senator Margaret Chase Smith of Maine, was reduced to handing out her muffin recipe in New Hampshire.

All of which is to say that Clinton doesn’t deserve any special sympathy as the political alpha dogs come after her, but give us a minute to adjust here, will you?

Oh, good grief.

There are NO "political alpha dogs" coming after Hillary.

Barack Obama isn't an alpha anything. And Hillary seems to have higher testosterone levels than John Edwards and the other Dems combined.

Who needs to "adjust" to a female front-runner?

I don't. I DON'T CARE THAT HILLARY IS A WOMAN.

I really don't even notice. Her gender is irrelevant to me, completely 100% irrelevant.

I don't need a minute to adjust.

Really, this gender card stuff has to stop.

"For much of our history, women were prohibited from even speaking in public."

That sounds so stupid. Are my eyes supposed to well up with tears because Hillary is speaking in public?

Enough with the gender crap.

Collins goes on to talk about the debate's location, Las Vegas.

She notes that Nevada isn't benefiting very much. She points out, "No candidate has moved his family to Nevada and enrolled the kids in school, like Chris Dodd did in Iowa."

What?

Dodd has kids young enough to be in school?

I didn't know this 63-year-old pre-baby boomer had a 6- and a 2-year-old.

Is Collins joking about Dodd moving his family to Iowa? I hope so. That's a lot of shuffling around for nothing.

In her discussion of Edwards, Collins says that "he’s running around like a rabid gerbil, telling people he should be president because he’s the angriest."

I've never heard of a rabid gerbil. How does a gerbil get exposed to rabies anyway?

Then, after getting her swipes in at these "political alpha dogs," Collins moves back to the woman in the race.

(I just had a thought. I wouldn't be surprised if TIME names Hillary "Person of the Year." You heard it here first, unless someone else has said it somewhere else and you heard it there.)

Collins acknowledges that Hillary has had a rough couple of weeks. She mocks the attention that the planted questions controversy has received.

The campaign even got into trouble for prompting a college student to ask Clinton about global warming. If this is the worst thing her staff is up to, perhaps they could use their surplus time to collect canned goods for the poor.

There is no way that Collins would give a Republican a pass for planting questions. No way.

Also, Hillary's campaign is in far deeper trouble than "prompting a college student to ask Clinton about global warming."

There's that messy Norman Hsu matter, and the Chinatown dishwashers. Her staff is definitely up to far worse things than staging question and answer periods. Perhaps they could use their surplus time to properly vet donors in between collecting those canned goods.

Collins concludes:

The best thing that’s happened to Hillary recently was the news that John McCain had laughed when a supporter asked: “How do we beat the bitch?” Excellent way to rally hitherto uncommitted women to the Clinton cause, unidentified supporter! Maybe Hillary will get lucky again tonight and John Edwards will try to bite her on the ankle.

Collins is nuts if she thinks the bitch comment is going to rally uncommitted women to Hillary's cause.

That is one of the most ridiculous, irrational things I've heard so far in the '08 election process.

Is she being sarcastic?

Collins can't really mean that a year from now a woman would vote for Hillary for president because an unidentified McCain supporter (aka Hillary Clinton plant) called her a bitch back in 2007.

That's idiotic.

I'd like to see Collins go to Vegas, stay mum, and spare us more columns. What happens in Vegas....