Leno: Government Shutdown Jokes, October 7, 2013

JAY LENO: According to Pew Research, immigration is on the rise in this country. As you know, immigrants come here to do the jobs Americans don't want to do, you know, like running the government.

According to a CBS News poll, when it comes to the government shutdown, 72 percent of Americans blame the Republicans while 61 percent blame the Democrats. That adds up to 133 percent. This is why we have a debt crisis.

Did you see Boehner today on the news? Boehner said he stayed by the phone all weekend waiting for the president, but he never called. What do you mean 'stayed by the phone'? What is this? 1965? The cell phone hasn't been invented? 'Oh, let it please be him. Oh, dear God, it must be him.'

...In the great city of Philadelphia, the historic landmark City Tavern, this was a tavern that was frequented by our founding fathers, has closed because of the shutdown. It opened in 1773. In fact, this iconic watering hole was once the scene of a legendary brawl between Benjamin Franklin and John McCain.

It's the first Monday in October, which means the Supreme Court's new term began today. They're expected to take up several divisive issues. Well, that's good, huh? I was afraid the country was becoming too unified.