CMA Awards: Ebola Nurse Song, Obama, Dem Jokes, Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood (Video)

Last year, Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood hosted the 47th Country Music Association Awards.

They opened the show by lampooning ObamaCare, singing a parody of "Amarillo By Morning." The new version: "ObamaCare By Morning."

Video and lyrics here.

Paisley and Underwood were back to host the 48th CMA Awards.

This year, Ebola Nurse Kaci Hickox was mocked by the duo with a parody of "Jolene." The new version: "Quarantine."

Here's video:



Lyrics:

Quarantine, Quarantine, Quarantine, Quarantine
Don't ride your bike, please don't infect my man
Quarantine, Quarantine, Quarantine, Quarantine
What part of 'stay inside' don't you understand?

Paisley adds another line:

Right now I really hope she's not a country fan

Obama and his indifference, the Secret Service failures, and the Democrats' Senate losses were also targeted in the opening segment.

Paisley and Underwood discussed the serious epidemic facing our country - PPTSD: Postpartum Taylor Swift Disorder.

BRAD PAISLEY: Why isn't our government doing something about this? I'll be the first one to say it. President Obama does not care about Postpartum Taylor Swift Disorder.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD: I'm pretty sure that's why the Democrats lost the Senate.

[Cheers and applause]

Brad, how do you know the president doesn't care?

PAISLEY: I know he doesn't care because I asked him.

UNDERWOOD: When did you ask the president?

PAISLEY: Yesterday, I jumped the White House fence, ran across the lawn, door was wide open. He was in the East Room eating, and I said, 'Mr. President, are you upset about this Taylor Swift situation?' And I'll never forget what he said.

UNDERWOOD: What did he say?

PAISLEY: 'No.'

UNDERWOOD: Wow.

Here's video:

Jimmy Fallon: Obama ISIS Joke

JIMMY FALLON: This week, President Obama gave a big speech from the White House where he outlined his plan to, quote, degrade and ultimately destroy the terror group ISIS. When asked how, he said, 'I'm gonna build their website.' That'll destroy them.

Fallon: ObamaCare Jokes (Video)

JIMMY FALLON: The White House says that it has surpassed its goal for people enrolled in ObamaCare. It's amazing what you can achieve when you make something mandatory, and fine people if they don't do it, and keep extending the deadline for months.

If you still haven't enrolled, you might have to pay a penalty called the 'individual shared responsibility payment,' which is 1 percent of your salary. Then Americans said, 'Good thing I don't have a job.'

____________________

Leno: ObamaCare Joke, December 10, 2013

JAY LENO: In a radio interview, Kanye West said he wants to be the 'Obama of clothing.' That's what he said. He wants to be the 'Obama of clothing.' And to achieve his goal, he's designing fashion nobody wants and offering it on a website that doesn't work.

Leno: Obama, DreamWorks Joke - November 26, 2013

JAY LENO: Quite an honor - President Obama, in Los Angeles. Today, he visited the famous Dreamworks studios. Now, don't confuse DreamWorks with ObamaCare. That was a dream that didn't work. That's totally different. This is Dreamworks studios - that's totally different.

Jimmy Fallon: ObamaCare Joke

JIMMY FALLON: It's been a rough week for President Obama. He finally had to admit that ObamaCare is a flop. It's just a mess, complete mess. But get this-- now the White House is coming out with a way for Americans to bypass the ObamaCare website and buy policies directly from insurance companies. It's part of this crazy new plan called 'the way things used to be.'

Leno: Obama, ObamaCare Jokes, November 21, 2013

JAY LENO: President Obama's approval rating is now at its lowest point of his presidency, down to 37 percent. The only way he could get lower is to get elected to Congress. That is the only way. Not good, not good.

Have you noticed? President Obama has stopped using the word 'ObamaCare' in his speeches. He now calls it the 'Affordable Care Act.' See, that's not a good sign when even Obama is trying to distance himself from ObamaCare. 'That's BidenCare, that's BidenCare.' Not good.

Leno: ObamaCare, Obama Jokes, November 20, 2013

JAY LENO: According to a new poll, if the 2012 election were held today, Mitt Romney would win. But, you know something? After this health care rollout thing, I think Anthony Weiner could win.

One of the big complaints now under ObamaCare is that doctors are going to have to ask patients how many sex partners they've had. You know, I thought they're supposed to cut down on paperwork. I mean, how many forms is Charlie Sheen going to be filling out? He's going to be there all day.

Well, according to another poll, 52 percent of Americans now believe President Obama is not honest, which is why today he changed his slogan from 'change you can believe in' to 'You can't handle the truth!'

Leno: Obama, ObamaCare Jokes, November 19, 2013

JAY LENO: In a TV interview, [Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's]the mayor's brother, Doug, said that everyone thinks that Mayor Ford is a conservative. They said, no, no, he's not. They say he's a social liberal who loves President Obama. Mayor Ford loves President Obama. What good luck that is, huh? The only politician supporting the president is the crack-smoking mayor of Toronto. Fantastic! What a stroke of luck!

...

Former President George Bush is on the show tonight. Very excited about that. As you know, he's nicknamed '43' because he was the 43rd president. President Obama's nicknamed "44" because that's how many people have signed up for ObamaCare.

Well, Vice President Joe Biden, God bless him, he said today, 'ObamaCare will eventually be a success, God willing.' Today, God said, 'Hey, keep me outta this. You're on your own on this one. I've done all I can do here.'

Well, a new poll shows a majority of Americans no longer believe President Obama is telling the truth. Today, FOX News closed their door and said, 'Mission accomplished. Thank you. We're done. We're outta here.'

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 18, 2013

JAY LENO: A Right-wing congressman from Texas - there's a shock - by the name of Louie Gohmert, I think that's his name, he announced that there is a hidden provision in ObamaCare that could create an armed secret security force. And he claims the White House masterminded this. You know, from what we've seen of this ObamaCare rollout, do these people look like they could mastermind anything? I mean, really? Really?

And the state of California has shut down ten fake ObamaCare websites that were signing up thousands of people. You know, instead of shutting these people down, put them in charge of the real website. They're signing up thousands of people! Hire them! Don't put them in jail.

Well, President Obama and his top aides met with insurance company CEOs at the White House on Friday. So you've got politicians meeting with insurance salesmen. You know, you throw in a couple of used car dealers, you have the trifecta of professional lying right there.

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 16, 2013

JAY LENO: According to a report released just today, over a million people in California are losing their health insurance due to ObamaCare. I can't believe that. A million people losing their health insurance? There's not a million people in California who have car insurance. How does that work? I've yet to meet anybody!

Well, President Obama, as you know, apologizing for this whole health care debacle. He said today,
'We fumbled.' That's what he said. 'We fumbled.' You know, a fumble is a turnover. That can happen to anyone. This is more like, 'We told everybody we were good at football, we actually really suck at football.' I mean that's closer.

Listen to this: Although President Obama asked health insurance companies to allow people whose current health care plans were cancelled to renew them for a year, the insurance companies don't have to allow them back. So here's your choice: You rely on the brains of the White House or the compassion of the insurance companies. Either way you're screwed. You're screwed either way.

Oh, I love this. On CNN, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann said she's one of the millions of Americans who lost their health insurance. The good news for Bachmann is under ObamaCare, lunacy is considered a preexisting condition. So, she's OK. She's OK.

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 14, 2013

JAY LENO: A lot of Democrats are now starting to distance themselves from ObamaCare. Earlier this week, Bill Clinton made some critical comments. And today, Harry Reid got a letter from his mortician telling him his coverage had been cancelled. No more embalming fluid. That's it!

Well, at a press conference earlier today, President Obama talked about healthcare.gov, and he said buying health insurance is never going to be as easy as buying a song on iTunes. Well, the answer is simple. Fire the website people and hire the people from iTunes. There you go. Exactly. Couldn't be easier.

And instead of giving a rebuttal after President Obama's speech, House Speaker John Boehner gave a 'prebuttal' before the speech, a 'prebuttal.' Doesn't that sound like a procedure that should be covered under ObamaCare?

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 13, 2013

JAY LENO: Yesterday at the White House, President Obama met with various leaders of the American Indian tribes; and he promised them if you like your medicine man, you can keep your medicine man. That's right.

And this week, I thought this was pretty cool. On Monday, President Obama paid tribute to America's oldest living veteran, 107-year-old Richard Overton. Overton credits his longevity to drinking whiskey and smoking twelve cigars every day. Now see, there's a health plan we can all get behind.

Well, according to a new report out today, over one million Californians are losing their health insurance due to ObamaCare. In fact, some are so angry, they've already gone back to Mexico. They're fed up. They've had it.

It looks like it's war again between Bill Clinton and President Obama. Have you seen this? It's getting a little... yeah, kinda, I'm not sure what's going on there. But Bill Clinton said that the president needs to change ObamaCare and keep his commitment to the American people. OK, that's when you know you're in trouble when Bill Clinton is lecturing you about commitment. That's when it gets a little testy.

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 11, 2013

JAY LENO: A new record was set today in the 100-meters. It was set by Senate Democrats running away from ObamaCare. Oh, my God! Not looking good.

President Obama said he is sorry that some Americans have lost their existing health coverage due to ObamaCare. You know, I think he's getting a little desperate; like today he said if you like your complete lack of coverage, you can keep your complete lack of coverage.

Leno: ObamaCare, Obama Jokes, November 8, 2013

JAY LENO: Well, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. As you know, the tradition began in 1621 when the pilgrims feasted with the Indians and promised them if you like your land, you can keep your land. That's what we told the Indians. If you like your land, you can keep your land.

President Obama's approval rating now down to 39 percent, to which Congress said, 'How do you keep it so high? You're a genius! What are you doing? How do we make that happen?'

A man named tony Trenkle - I think that's how you say his name - he's the White House official responsible for overseeing development of the ObamaCare website, he has resigned. And listen to this: He will continue to be paid because under ObamaCare his incompetence is considered a pre-existing condition.

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 7, 2013

JAY LENO: The next big holiday is Thanksgiving. Are you ready for Thanksgiving? You know, I was thinking about Thanksgiving today, and I realized that's who we should put in charge of the ObamaCare website - the Butterball hotline people. You ever call them? They always pick up, they're friendly, they have all the information you need, and they're used to dealing with big turkeys. So, this thing would be fanastic.

Listen to this: The White House web page still says if you like your health care plan you can keep it. Well, we know that's not true. But the White House said today they're trying to change it, they just can't logon on.

CMA Awards: ObamaCare Song, Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood (Video)

Wednesday night was the 47th Country Music Association Awards, hosted by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood.

They opened the show with humor, mocking "feuds" between artists, Miley Cyrus, and ObamaCare.

Video of the opening here.

For the ObamaCare bit, both Brad and Carrie sat on chairs. She had a laptop and he had his guitar. Because Brad's back was hurting, Carrie was trying to sign him up for ObamaCare.

Here's video:



Transcript, Lyrics

BRAD PAISLEY: I think I need to see a doctor.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD: Hey, do you have that ObamaCare?

PAISLEY: ObamaCare? What's that?

UNDERWOOD: Oh, it's great. It's great. I started signing up last Thursday and I'm almost done. Let's go to the website and get you signed up.

PAISLEY: Oh, OK.

UNDERWOOD: (At the computer) Let's see here. Let's see. This can't be too hard, right?

PAISLEY: Why is it spinning?

UNDERWOOD: Oh, it does that.

PAISLEY: OK. Why is it smoking?

UNDERWOOD: Um, I don't...maybe, maybe we should restart it.

(Both sing)
ObamaCare by morning
Why is this takin' so long?
(Paisley) I'm gonna wind up with hemorrhoids
(Both sing)
If I sit here till dawn
We'll have cataracts and dementia
Oh, this is gettin' on my last nerve
ObamaCare by morning
Over six people served

Leno: Obama, ObamaCare Jokes, November 6, 2013

JAY LENO: President Obama saw Gravity today-- not the film, his poll numbers. Not good. Latest polls show president Obama's approval rating down to 39 percent, and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's approval rating went up to 49 percent. How does this make Obama feel? He'd been better off smoking crack than passing ObamaCare. It would've been up 10 points. It would've been 10 points higher.

Have you noticed the president backtracking a little bit on this whole deal? Like at a fundraiser earlier this week, President Obama said, no, no, no, what he promised was that you could keep your health care plan if it hasn't changed since the law had passed. You know, he's such a good speaker, he almost believed it himself. And then his pants caught fire. That's when I knew, when I saw, when the pants caught fire.

Leno: ObamaCare Jokes, November 1, 2013

JAY LENO: According to CBS News, only six people enrolled in ObamaCare on the first day of the rollout. Six! That's not a health care program. That's a hockey team! Only six people? That means more people have walked on the moon then have signed up for ObamaCare. How is that even possible? How is that possible?

Of those six that signed up, four have already died of old age. So it's only two left.

This is my favorite part. Hand to God, this is the absolute truth: The White House said, 'Well, those numbers are not official.' Really? Aren't they better off saying nothing? 'Not official'? Oh yeah, if we wait, it could go as high as seven.

Leno: Obama, ObamaCare Jokes, October 31, 2013

JAY LENO: As they do every year, hospitals all across the country have been x-raying kids' bags of candy. They do. They x-ray the candy. But unfortunately, due to ObamaCare, it's now a thousand dollar copay.

...

Here's an amazing sports story. A surfer may have set the world record for the largest wave ever surfed after riding an estimated hundred-foot wave off the coast of Portugal. And the sad thing, this giant hundred-foot wave still easier to surf than the ObamaCare website.

But God bless him, President Obama, he's out there pushing it. He's selling it. He's telling Americans that you can keep your plan. And Americans are telling him, 'No, you can keep your plan.' So it's a two-way street.