Today, more than 14 years after I first took the field as a Milwaukee Brewer, I’ve decided to retire. While it’s impossible to summarize my emotions, what I feel most is one, simple thing – gratitude.
I just wanted to take a moment to say ‘thank you’.
Tom Haudricourt describes himself as a "Brewers beat writer and general baseball scribe for Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and jsonline.com."
Last night, he tweeted a report on Ryan Braun's injury.
Apparently, Haudricourt had a bit of a problem with autocorrect.
Braun did not experience a "slight intercourse strain" last night during the game. He was forced to leave the game with a "right intercostal strain."
The intercostal muscles are several groups of muscles that run between the ribs. Braun has had strains of the oblique muscles near the intercostal muscles in the past.
Suspended Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun told stars around baseball before spring training 2012 that the man who collected his urine that tested positive for synthetic testosterone was anti-Semitic and a Chicago Cubs fan in an effort to gather support throughout the game, three sources familiar with the conversations told Yahoo! Sports.
Braun sought backing from Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp, whom he had beaten out for the National League MVP months earlier, along with Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto and Colorado Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, among others, sources said. He reached out to peers in hopes they would publicly stick up for him following an expected suspension.
...A number of players with whom Braun spoke, including Brewers teammates, believed the allegations. A source close to Dino Laurenzi Jr., the test collector, said the anti-Semitism allegation is untrue; his fan allegiance is unclear. It added to the backlash against Braun inside the Milwaukee clubhouse as well as outside following his recent 65-game suspension for his involvement with the Biogenesis clinic. Kemp told reporters people in the game felt “betrayed” and that he was “disappointed.”
How could Braun live with himself, knowing what he did to Laurenzi? How could he sleep at night?
It's going to be difficult for me to get over this episode if Braun did charge Laurenzi with being an anti-Semite to garner support and convince others that he had been victimized.
Braun was spinning this web of lies while raking in millions of dollars, while having no qualms about destroying Laurenzi's good name.
It's awful.
If Braun does go before the media to comment on the scandal and presumbly apologize, I can't imagine believing he's sincere.
It's been a rough season on many fronts. The team has not performed well. The real Ryan Braun, the face of the franchise, has been exposed as a liar and cheater. Miller Park security threatened to throw out a fan for altering the name on her Ryan Braun shirt to say "FRAUD," a big PR mess.
There are lots of reasons for fans to be turned off.
Fans should plan to bring their appetite for baseball, food and drink to upcoming games at Miller Park because for the month of August, the Brewers are treating.
Milwaukee Brewers Chairman and Principal Owner Mark Attanasio today announced what could be a first in all of Major League sports - all fans attending any of the 12 Brewers home games in August will receive a $10 voucher for free concessions, merchandise and game tickets at Miller Park.
"This has been a challenging season for all of us, but the one thing that has never wavered has been the tremendous support we have received from fans who love the Brewers," Attanasio said. "We wanted to do something meaningful to show our appreciation, and we will strive to provide the best fan experience possible."
Here are the details: Every ticketed fan coming through the turnstiles in August will receive a voucher good for $10 that can be used for food, beverage, merchandise and tickets sold at nearly every outlet (only excluding Friday's Front Row, portable merchandise stands, Miller Park Suites, the Johnson Controls Stadium Club and All-Inclusive entertaining areas). Vouchers may be combined (meaning that fans attending with friends and family members, or those attending multiple games, can combine the vouchers for larger purchases) and used at any remaining 2013 home game. The vouchers can also be used toward the purchase of game tickets this season.
For more details, or to purchase tickets for any of these upcoming August home games, please visit brewers.com/eatfree.
That's nice, especially if you already have tickets for an August game and were planning to go anyway.
There's no way a $10 voucher would entice me to go to a game.
"Fans eat free," but they won't eat much.
Ten dollars does not go far at Miller Park. You can't buy a brat and a beer for that. The prices are ridiculous.
Getting a $10 voucher is better than not getting a $10 voucher, but I wouldn't call it "something meaningful," given the price gouging of concessions.
Overall, the Brewers stand to make money on the giveaway. They need people in the seats and this advertised "first in all of Major League sports" will probably help.
Karen Eidem was enjoying a Brewers game at Miller Park when security singled her out due to her clothing. The controversial article? A Ryan Braun shirt modified to read "fraud" across the back.
Eidem says she was forced to either change her clothing or be ejected from Miller Park. She opted to turn the shirt inside out.
"I mean it was obviously meant as a joke, but to put me in a position where I'm the one to be perceived as doing something wrong, that kind of bothered me." said Eidem.
Eidem didn't cause a disturbance. Her shirt wasn't emblazoned with something obscene that would be inappropriate in a family-friendly setting like a baseball game. Good grief, she just switched up two letters on Braun's name.
She wasn't screaming profanity or drunk and spilling beer all over other fans.
Miller Park staff were totally out of line by threatening to eject her. Is Miller Park a no First Amendment zone?
Here's a statement from the Brewers:
“In this case, the fan absolutely should have been able to wear the jersey without any intervention by our staff. We welcome the opportunity for fans to express their opinions. The only circumstances that would warrant us intervening is if someone were to display a message or item that would be considered offensive to other fans. This is not a case where that line was crossed, and we’re sorry for the inconvenience to her. We will reach out to Ms. Eidem to invite her to another game this year as our guest.”
Without question, Eidem was mistreated.
I don't get why security harassed her. Were the individual/individuals involved overzealous in the interpretation and enforcement of the rules? Or, did staff follow orders?
It's good that Eidem brought her experience to the attention of the media.
Hopefully, security will be reminded that guests at Miller Park should not be treated as if they've done something wrong when they haven't.
JAY LENO: Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun has been suspended by Major League Baseball for the remainder of the season because of his involvement with an organization linked to performance enhancing drugs. The name of that organization...Major League Baseball.
I love Braun's quote. Did you hear what he said? Braun said he's glad to have this matter behind him once and for all. Behind him? He just played on Sunday. He's been denying this the whole time. How can it be behind him? What? Is the needle still stuck in his ass?
If someone lies to me, I lose respect for the individual. I don't trust the person any longer.
Why would I trust a self-professed untrustworthy person?
For example, on August 8, 2009, Obama reassured Americans:
So, let me explain what reform will mean for you. And let me start by dispelling the outlandish rumors that reform will promote euthanasia, cut Medicaid, or bring about a government takeover of health care. That’s simply not true. This isn’t about putting government in charge of your health insurance; it’s about putting you in charge of your health insurance. Under the reforms we seek, if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan.
Major League Baseball has suspended Brewers leftfielder Ryan Braun without pay for the remainder of the 2013 season and he has accepted the penalty, meaning he was caught red-handed either buying and/or using performance-enhancing drugs.
The suspension takes place immediately, so Braun will be suspended for the final 65 games of the season, beginning with the Brewers' game Monday night at Miller Park against San Diego. The sanction came as a result of MLB's investigation into the infamous Biogenesis clinic, which was exposed as having sold PEDs to players after documents were released to various news agencies earlier this year.
The suspension also exposed Braun as a liar because he has stated many times that he never used PEDs and never wavered from that stance. He recently told reporters, "The truth hasn't changed," referring to ongoing speculation that he would be suspended for PED use.
But Braun issued this statement about his suspension: “As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect. I realize now that I have made some mistakes. I am willing to accept the consequences of those actions. This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family, and it is has been a distraction to my teammates and the Brewers organization. I am very grateful for the support I have received from players, ownership and the fans in Milwaukee and around the country. Finally, I wish to apologize to anyone I may have disappointed – all of the baseball fans especially those in Milwaukee, the great Brewers organization, and my teammates. I am glad to have this matter behind me once and for all, and I cannot wait to get back to the game I love.”
“We commend Ryan Braun for taking responsibility for his past actions,” said Rob Manfred, Executive Vice President, Economics & League Affairs for Major League Baseball. “We all agree that it is in the best interests of the game to resolve this matter. When Ryan returns, we look forward to him making positive contributions to Major League Baseball, both on and off the field.”
Braun's lies were about cheating in baseball. He broke the rules. He played his fans for fools. He accepted our support and thanked us for standing by him while he cheated and lied.
Not cool.
However, Braun's lies don't impact me the way Obama's lies do.
Braun disgraced himself.
Obama is putting people's lives at risk with his ObamaCare lies. Unforgivable.
I can forgive Braun. He'll serve his suspension and we'll move on.
I'll find it much easier to forgive him than Brett Favre. Still not ready to forgive Favre. That is not on the horizon.
About the media coverage of Braun's suspension and fan reaction--
I'm hearing lots of discussion of Braun's real offense being his lying rather than his cheating. The lying-- that's the disappointing thing.
I disagree.
The lying did make things worse, but the cheating is also bad. There is a lot of bad behavior here.
I don't think emphasis should be taken off Braun's cheating. Focus should remain on BOTH his cheating and lying.
"On February 24th, Ryan Braun stated during his press conference that there were a lot of things that we learned about the collector, about the collection process, about the way that the entire thing worked that made us very concerned and very suspicious about what could have actually happened. Shortly thereafter, someone who had intimate knowledge of the facts of this case released my name to the media. I am issuing this statement to set the record straight.
"I am a 1983 graduate of the University of Wisconsin and have received Master Degrees from the University of North Carolina and Loyola University of Chicago. My full-time job is the director of rehabilitation services at a health care facility. In the past, I have worked as a teacher and an athletic trainer, including performing volunteer work with Olympic athletes. I am a member of both the National Athletic Trainers' Association and the Wisconsin Athletic Trainers' Association.
"I have been a drug collector for Comprehensive Drug Testing since 2005 and have been performing collections for Major League Basebal's Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program since that time. I have performed over 600 collections for MLB and also have performed collections for other professional sports leagues. I have performed post-season collections for MLB in four separate seasons involving five different clubs.
"On October 1, 2011, I collected samples from Mr. Braun and two other players. The CDT collection team for that day, in addition to me, included three chaperones and a CDT coordinator. One of the chaperones was my son, Anthony. Chaperones do not have any role in the actual collection process, but rather escort the player to the collection area.
"I followed the same procedure in collecting Mr. Braun's sample as I did in the hundreds of other samples I collected under the Program. I sealed the bottles containing Mr. Braun's A and B samples with specially-numbered, tamper-resistant seals, and Mr. Braun signed a form certifying, among other things, that the specimens were capped and sealed in his presence and that the specimen identification numbers on the top of the form matched those on the seals. I placed the two bottles containing Mr. Braun's samples in a plastic bag and sealed the bag. I then placed the sealed bag in a standard cardboard Specimen Box which I also sealed with a tamper-resistant, correspondingly-numbered seal placed over the box opening. I then placed Mr. Braun's Specimen Box, and the Specimen Boxes containing the samples of the two other players, in a Federal Express Clinic Pack. None of the sealed Specimen Boxes identified the players. I completed my collections at Miller Park at approximately 5:00 p.m.
"Given the lateness of the hour that I completed my collections, there was no FedEx office located within 50 miles of Miller Park that would ship packages that day or Sunday. Therefore, the earliest that the specimens could be shipped was Monday, October 3. In that circumstance, CDT has instructed collectors since I began in 2005 that they should safeguard the samples in their homes until FedEx is able to immediately ship the sample to the laboratory, rather than having the samples sit for one day or more at a local FedEx office. The protocol has been in place since 2005 when I started with CDT and there have been other occasions when I have had to store samples in my home for at least one day, all without incident.
"The FedEx Clinic Pack containing Mr. Braun's samples never left my custody. Consistent with CDT's instructions, I brought the FedEx Clinic Pack containing the samples to my home. Immediately upon arriving home, I placed the FedEx Clinic Pack in a Rubbermaid container in my office which is located in my basement. My basement office is sufficiently cool to store urine samples. No one other than my wife was in my home during the period in which the samples were stored. The sealed Specimen Boxes were not removed from the FedEx Clinic Pack during the entire period in which they were in my home. On Monday, October 3, I delivered the FedEx Clinic Pack containing Mr. Braun's Specimen Box to a FedEx office for delivery to the laboratory on Tuesday, October 4. At no point did I tamper in any way with the samples. It is my understanding that the samples were received at the laboratory with all tamper-resistant seals intact.
"This situation has caused great emotional distress for me and my family. I have worked hard my entire life, have performed my job duties with integrity and professionalism, and have done so with respect to this matter and all other collections in which I have participated.
"Neither I nor members of my family will make any further public comments on this matter. I request that members of the media, and baseball fans, whatever their views on this matter, respect our privacy. And I would like to sincerely thank my family and friends for their overwhelming support through this difficult time. Any future inquiries should be directed to my attorney Boyd Johnson of Wilmer Cutler Pickering Hale and Dorr LLP."
I'm sure the situation has caused Laurenzi and his family a great deal of emotional distress.
He's in the middle of a high profile case. Ryan Braun's career and image are at stake. The stakes here are extremely high.
Laurenzi gives his side of the story. That's fair.
I would hope that no one would harass Laurenzi or his family.
He said the FedEx Clinic Pack that contained Braun's samples never left his custody and that he placed the pack in a Rubbermaid container in his office located in the basement of his Pleasant Prairie home.
"My basement office is sufficiently cool to store urine samples," he said. "No one other than my wife was in my home during the period in which the samples were stored."
He delivered the samples to a FedEx office on Oct. 4 for delivery to a Montreal laboratory on Tuesday and it was his understanding "that the samples were received at the laboratory with all tamper-resistant seals intact."
So Laurenzi didn't put the samples in a cooler.
They stayed in a Rubbermaid container in his office.
How cool does Laurenzi keep his basement office?
Weird.
Read the complete statement here.
________________
Just hours ago, Dino Laurenzi was a nobody.
Now, he's arguably the most famous "collector" in the country. And he has some explaining to do.
Newsradio 620 WTMJ's Trenni Kusnierek is reporting that Dino Laurenzi, an athletic trainer from Pleasant Prairie, is the individual who handled Ryan Braun's urine sample back on October 1, 2011, after Game 1 of NLDS.
Braun, who did not identify Laurenzi by name, said the collector left Miller Park at 5 p.m. that day, but did not deliver the sample to a FedEx location until 44 hours after the test was taken. Braun noted that the drug program requires that samples be taken to FedEx immediately, "absent unusual circumstances."
...She said that he has worked at St. Catherine's Hospital in their Physical Therapy department.
The Journal Sentinel reports that, according to his business card, Laurenzi is the director of rehabilitation services for United Hospital System. The back of the card includes this notation: "The Sports Medicine Department at United Hospital System is an official national rehabilitation network site for U.S. athletes and, therefore, bears the seal of the U.S. Olympic Committee."
The veteran collector of doping programs across sports who for two days held the sample of star outfielder Ryan Braun’s urine “acted in a professional and appropriate manner,” Major League Baseball executive vice president Rob Manfred said in a statement Friday night.
Dino Laurenzi, who four sources said was the collector, has collected specimens for MLB since 2005 as well as the NFL and NHL through his job with Comprehensive Drug Testing. Though he never mentioned Laurenzi’s name, Braun impugned him during a news conference Friday from the Milwaukee Brewers spring training facility during which he spoke for the first time since an arbitration panel overturned his positive test for synthetic testosterone.
“The extremely experienced collector in Mr. Braun’s case acted in a professional and appropriate manner,” Manfred said in the statement. “He handled Mr. Braun’s sample consistent with instructions issued by our jointly retained collection agency. The Arbitrator found that those instructions were not consistent with certain language in our program, even though the instructions were identical to those used by many other drug programs – including the other professional sports and the World Anti-Doping Agency.”
Laurenzi placed a box of specimens, including Braun’s, inside a cooler in his basement when the FedEx location he stopped at no longer was shipping packages after Game 1 of the National League Division Series, according to sources. The package sat in his basement between Saturday and Monday, before it was shipped to the laboratory in Montreal that runs tests for MLB.
So according to MLB, Laurenzi is an "extremely experienced collector."
Really?
Is it routine for Laurenzi to keep specimens in his basement cooler rather than taking them to FedEx as REQUIRED?
The "extremely experienced" Laurenzi should have been familiar with FedEx locations and their operations. A collector of his experience should have known that he had to leave the box with FedEx immediately, not take it home for two days.
He claims the box was in his basement cooler in Pleasant Prairie. That's his story. His word isn't good enough. Laurenzi's basement is not a secure location. It violates the protocol.
Major League Baseball is embarrassing itself by defending the mishandling of the sample.
I wonder how much Dino Laurenzi's basement cooler would go for on eBay.
"Union warrior" Chris Liebenthal, AKA "Capper," makes a pathetic attempt to exploit Ryan Braun's successful appeal as a weapon to attack conservatives.
It's my policy not to respond to Liebenthal's Leftist drivel, but I'm making an exception in this case.
I know he wants attention. Ignoring him is the best way to show his irrelevance.
As has been noted so often in the Braun case, no MLB player has ever won an appeal to overturn the consequences resulting from a positive banned substance test.
Did collective bargaining fail them? Did the Players Association fail them?
Liebenthal argues that collective bargaining and the union saved Braun.
He writes:
Braun was only able to take it to arbitration, and win the reprieve, because of an agreement between Major League Baseball and the Players Association. In other words, it was because of collective bargaining that Braun even had the opportunity to appeal, much less prevail over, the wrong decision and action taken by MLB.
The truth is the Players Association didn't save Braun. Collective bargaining didn't save him.
Those of us not in unions still are protected under the law. We have channels of legal recourse in cases against employers.
Liebenthal completely dismisses that reality.
In his post, Liebenthal also makes the assertion that I am a "right wing blowhard," and I "loathe collective bargaining and unions in general."
That's an absurd, completely baseless claim.
I don't have a problem with collective bargaining or unions in general. I do have a problem with being taxed to death to support unreasonable demands by government union members. Yes, I do loathe that.
He concludes:
[T]hey really should re-evaluate their positions and either recognize that collective bargaining is not only good, but vital, for all people or they should retract their support for Braun and show themselves for who they really are.
Braun's case does not illustrate that collective bargaining is "vital for all people," as Liebenthal states.
There's no connection.
Liebenthal fails in his argument to expose hypocrisy by conservatives pleased with the outcome of Braun's appeal.
Support for Act 10 and support for Ryan Braun are not mutually exclusive.
For months, his character has been dragged through the mud.
Now, the nightmare is over, sort of. Slightly. Not really.
Braun's 50-game suspension is overturned, but Major League Baseball continues to viciously attack him.
Although Braun won the appeal, he has suffered significant damages. Doubts about Braun will linger, especially since MLB is fueling them.
But today, Braun was able to declare that he is innocent, not won the appeal on a technicality.
I believe him. I see him as a victim, not a cheater who beat the rap.
He said the rumors were difficult to handle. He said he had no underlying medical condition. He said he never had an STD.
I'm a Brewers fan. I have my biases, but Braun made a very strong case. He spent a lot of time laying out the FACTS.
Bottom line: If the players must abide by the methods agreed upon for the testing process, then Major League Baseball must also be held to the same standards.
I think the statement put out by MLB yesterday was disgraceful. It seems MLB is girding its loins for a lawsuit.
MVP Braun handled himself with such class today and throughout this ordeal.
I hope he pursues litigation against MLB for the privacy violations. The testing process broke down. MLB failed the test.
Milwaukee Brewers slugger Ryan Braun said he won his appeal of a positive drug test because "the truth is on my side."
"Today is for everybody who has ever been wrongly accused," he said Friday at a news conference at the Brewers' training facility in Maryvale, Ariz.
"The simple truth is that I'm innocent," the outfielder said, with his teammates sitting in the stands in uniform behind him.
Braun tested positive in October for elevated testosterone, and ESPN's "Outside The Lines" revealed the positive test in December. His case marks the first time a baseball player has successfully challenged a drug-related penalty in a grievance.
But Braun said at the time and reiterated Friday that he had not taken a banned substance resulting in the positive test result.
"If I had done this intentionally or unintentionally, I'd be the first one to step up and say I did it," Braun said. "I would bet my life this substance never entered my body."
Braun, the 2011 National League MVP, said the testing process "broke down and failed" in his case, later calling it "fatally flawed."
"The truth is always relevant and the truth prevailed," he said.
Braun, thanking his team, teammates and fans who backed him, said baseball players are "part of a process where you're 100 percent guilty until proven innocent."
"We need to make sure that we get it right," he added. "Today is about making sure this never happens to anybody else who plays this game."
The Journal Sentinel has confirmed that MLB officials are upset because arbitrator Shyam Das did not rule in Braun's favor because he decided the positive test was wrong. He ruled in Braun's favor in essence because of a chain of custody dispute.
Apparently, and I see ESPN is reporting this, too, the official who collected the sample did not get it to FedEx in time to ship it in the prescribed manor to the MLB testing lab in Montreal. Instead, he took it home, put it in a refrigerator and sent it out the next day.
Apparently, Das ruled that the specimen should have been left at FedEx anyway. So, it all comes down to chain of custody and the proper delivery of the urine sample.
So, in essence, it was a tecnnicality that helped Braun get exonerated. But the result is still the one he and the Brewers wanted.
This still doesn't explain Braun's off the charts testosterone level.
The "custody" issue doesn't address that.
This is lame. A lot of questions remain unanswered.
Is it possible that MLB and Braun are caught up in a struggle that involves privacy violations?
I think Braun has a strong case against MLB. He should pursue that. Vehemently.
Milwaukee Brewers leftfielder Ryan Braun became the first major-league player to have a positive drug test overturned when he was informed Thursday that an arbitration panel ruled in his favor on appeal and decided against a 50-game suspension for the reigning National League most valuable player.
Someone familiar with the decision said the appeal went Braun's way not so much on contesting the result of the test but the testing process itself. And it was arbitrator Shyam Das who decided to rule in favor on that technicality, making it a 2-1 decision by the three-man panel.
Whatever the reason, the ruling was a tremendous boost for both Braun, whose reputation was at stake, and the Brewers, already missing free agent Prince Fielder from their 2011 NL Central championship club. Instead of having to figure out a way to replace Braun for the first 50 games of the season, the team can move forward with its original plans.
Though the drug testing process is supposed to be confidential, because of leaks of the positive test and hearing, the Major League Baseball Players Association released a statement that Braun won his appeal. The union confirmed it was a 2-1 vote.
That statement read: "Under the Joint Drug Agreement, a player's successful challenge to a suspension normally would not have been made public. The parties have agreed, given the particulars of this case, that an announcement is appropriate."
Major League Baseball is not pleased. Here's the MLB statement:
“Major League Baseball considers the obligations of the Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program essential to the integrity of our game, our Clubs and all of the players who take the field. It has always been Major League Baseball’s position that no matter who tests positive, we will exhaust all avenues in pursuit of the appropriate discipline. We have been true to that position in every instance, because baseball fans deserve nothing less.
“As a part of our drug testing program, the Commissioner’s Office and the Players Association agreed to a neutral third party review for instances that are under dispute. While we have always respected that process, Major League Baseball vehemently disagrees with the decision rendered today by arbitrator Shyam Das.”
I am very pleased and relieved by today’s decision.
It is the first step in restoring my good name and reputation. We were able to get through this because I am innocent and the truth is on our side.
We provided complete cooperation throughout, despite the highly unusual circumstances.
I have been an open book, willing to share details from every aspect of my life as part of this investigation, because I have nothing to hide. I have passed over 25 drug tests in my career, including at least three in the past year.
I would like to thank my family and friends, my teammates, the Brewers organization led by Mark Attanasio, Doug Melvin, Gord Ash and Ron Roenicke, and other players around the league who have expressed their support and our great fans in Milwaukee and around the country who stuck by me and did not rush to judgment.
I’d also like to offer special thanks to Michael Weiner and the Players Association for believing in me since day one and to my attorneys.
I’d like to thank my agent Nez Balelo and Terry Prince of CAA Sports and Matthew Hiltzik of Hiltzik Strategies for all of their help and counsel through the process.
This is not just about one person, but about all current and future players, and thankfully, today the process worked.
Despite the challenges of this adversarial process, I do appreciate the professionalism demonstrated by the panel chair and the office of the commissioner.
As I said before, I’ve always loved and had so much respect for the game of baseball.
Everything I’ve done in my career has been with that respect and appreciation in mind.
I look forward to finally being able to speak to the fans and the media on Friday and then returning the focus to baseball and working with my Brewers teammates on defending our National League Central title.
Ryan Braun's friend, Aaron Rodgers, is sharing his reaction on Twitter.
“Thank, you Mark (Feinsand, the NY BBWAA chapter chairman). Before I get started, (Hall of Fame writer) Bob Elliott said he forgot to thank his son, Bob Jr., during his speech and wanted to make sure I did it for him. So, Bob Jr., Bob Elliott truly appreciates you being a great son and supporting him (laughter from audience).
“I’ve really been looking foward to this night for a long time. I first want say thank you to the Baseball Writers Association of America for this incredibly prestigious award. I want to congratulate all of the other award winners and recipients who are here tonight. It’s truly a privilege to be part of this night and be here with all of you guys.
“I want to take a moment to congratulate Matt Kemp, Justin Upton, Prince Fielder, Troy Tulowitzki, Albert Pujols among many others who were also deserving of this award as well. It’s truly an honor for me to be surrounded by so many people in this room who share my deep love and respect for the game of baseball, including those who cover it, all the fans that are here today and all of us who play the game of baseball.
“I’d like to say thank you to the entire Milwaukee Brewers organization for believing in me, for drafting me, for helping to develop me as a baseball player and a person. I specifically want to say thank you to Mark Attanasio and his wife Debbie and their entire ownership group. I want to thank Doug Melvin, Gord Ash and our manager, Ron Roenicke, for all being here tonight and for your incredible support. Thank you, guys.
“I want to thank my teammates and the rest of our coaching staff for putting me in an environment and a position to succeed. For me, tonight is about them and what they have accomplished as much as it is about me. I know that if I didn’t play on an incredible team and I wasn’t a part of a special organization, I wouldn’t be standing here tonight.
“I want to thank my family for their love and support and encouragement. I want to thank them for instilling in me a lot of the values and morals that I live my life by today. I want to thank my dad Joe, my mom Diane, my brother Steve, my grandfather Bob and his wife Liz for all being here tonight and supporting me. I also want to thank my beautiful girlfriend Larisa for being here as well, for being my best friend. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget you because that would be trouble.
“I want to thank my agency, CAA Sports, Marissa Edler, Terry Prince and my agent, Nez Balelo, for your endless support, for being one of my best friends and for being part of every step of this journey with me. Thank you.
“I also wanted to take a moment to thank the players association for supporting me throughout my career and especially for supporting me through everything I went through over the last couple of months. Thank you, guys.
“Sometimes in life we all deal with challenges we never expected to endure. We have an opportunity to look as those challenges and view them either as obstacles or opportunities. I’ve chosen to view every challenge I’ve ever faced as an opportunity and this will be no different. I’ve always believed that a person’s character is revealed through the way they deal with those moments of adversity.
“I’ve always loved and had so much respect for the game of baseball. Everything I’ve done in my career has been done with that respect and appreciation in mind, and that is why I’m so grateful and humbled to accept this award tonight. Thank you again to everybody and I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your evening.”
It wasn't from TV or radio or the Internet. A friend told me.
He called, sounding troubled. Then he said, "Ryan Braun has tested positive...." He paused for what seemed like forever. Concerned, I said, "What happened? What's wrong with him?"
Now normally when someone says a professional athlete has tested positive, you assume it's for performance-enhancing drugs or some sort of banned substance.
That never crossed my mind. I honestly thought Braun was ill. The thought of him using PED wasn't a possibility.
It was just so bizarre - the conversation, the direction my mind went, and then the news.
National League MVP Ryan Braun, who last season led the Milwaukee Brewers to their first division title in nearly three decades, has tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug and faces a 50-game suspension if the initial finding is upheld, two sources familiar with the case told "Outside the Lines."
Major League Baseball has not announced the positive test because Braun is disputing the result through arbitration.
A spokesman for Braun confirmed the positive test Saturday and issued a statement: "There are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan's complete innocence and demonstrate there was absolutely no intentional violation of the program. While Ryan has impeccable character and no previous history, unfortunately, because of the process we have to maintain confidentiality and are not able to discuss it any further, but we are confident he will ultimately be exonerated."
USA TODAY reported Saturday night that Braun said of the test result: "It's B.S."
The 28-year-old Braun had to provide a urine sample for testing during the playoffs, and he was notified of the positive test sometime in late October -- about a month before he was named the National League's most valuable player.
The positive result was triggered by elevated levels of testosterone in Braun's system, the sources also told "Outside the Lines." A subsequent, more comprehensive test revealed the testosterone was synthetic -- not produced by Braun's body.
...Since being informed of the results, Braun has been disputing his case. A source close to Braun said that when he was told about the positive test, he immediately requested to be tested again. That second test, using a different sample that was tested by Braun's camp, the source said, was not positive. Those close to Braun believe that the difference between the two tests will show that the first test was invalid. Although Braun's representatives acknowledge that a non-positive test would not negate a positive one, they believe the second test shows certain anomalies that will suggest problems with the first. They declined to specify.
Since being informed of the results, Braun has been disputing his case. A source close to Braun said that when he was told about the positive test, he immediately requested to be tested again. That second test, using a different sample that was tested by Braun's camp, the source said, was not positive. Those close to Braun believe that the difference between the two tests will show that the first test was invalid. Although Braun's representatives acknowledge that a non-positive test would not negate a positive one, they believe the second test shows certain anomalies that will suggest problems with the first. They declined to specify.
For just the fourth time ever and the first time in 22 years, the Milwaukee Brewers can claim the league's most valuable player.
Leftfielder Ryan Braun was named the top player in the National League by the Baseball Writers' Association of America on Tuesday, beating out Los Angeles Dodgers centerfielder Matt Kemp, who finished second.
Braun's Brewers teammate, first baseman Prince Fielder, finished third. The pair hit third and fourth for the Brewers, who won a team-record 96 games en route to their first-ever NL Central Division title.
Braun earned 20 of 32 first-place votes and finished second on the other 12 ballots en route to a total of 388 points. Kemp, who made a run at the triple crown for a Dodgers team that finished third in the NL West, received 10 first-place votes and 332 points in all.
Fielder earned one first-place vote, four second-place votes, 11 third-place votes and finished with 229 points.
"And my job is to shut other white people down when they want to interrupt."
"We have to, at the DNC, provide training. We have to teach them how to communicate, how to be sensitive, and how to shut their mouths if they're white."
"Hollywood is crawling with outsiders and foreigners, and if we kick 'em all out, you'll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts."
"When I would deny that there was a significant racist component in some of the politics on our side, it was because the people I hung out with were certainly not. When suddenly, this rock is turned over, there is this—'Oh shit, did I not see that?'"
----------------------------
"In any other scenario, Hillary Clinton's lying about her emails, and her pay-for-play relationship with the Clinton Foundation would be disqualifying issues. The only reason they're not disqualifying is because Donald Trump is a fundamentally more repellent, dishonest figure."
"I made a mistake in recalling the events of twelve years ago... I said I was traveling in an aircraft that was hit by RPG fire. I was instead in a following aircraft."
"I would not look to the U.S. Constitution, if I were drafting a constitution in the year 2012. I might look at the constitution of South Africa. That was a deliberate attempt to have a fundamental instrument of government that embraced basic human rights, had an independent judiciary. It really is, I think, a great piece of work that was done."
"The death of Andrew Breitbart disproves the adage that only the good die young."
--JULIAN BOND
"The National Institute of Health has said that it is a danger to women's health and safety of their families that for 30 years to be exposed to the prospects of pregnancy."
"Why did- Couldn't the President have said at that moment, way back in December of last year, 'no game playing. No hostage-taking. No terrorizing this country with the debt ceiling. I'm not going to negotiate with you guys. You can't play it that way.' Could he have done that?"
"I remember distinctly an image of--we were sitting on his couches, and I was looking at [Obama's] pant leg and his perfectly creased pant, and I'm thinking, a) he's going to be president and b) he'll be a very good president."
--DAVID BROOKS
"I feel like calling her back and smackin' her around."
"[I]f you go back to the year 2000, when we had an obvious disaster and - and saw that our voting process needed refinement, and we did that in the America Votes Act and made sure that we could iron out those kinks, now you have the Republicans, who want to literally drag us all the way back to Jim Crow laws and literally - and very transparently - block access to the polls to voters who are more likely to vote Democratic candidates than Republican candidates. And it's nothing short of that blatant."
--DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ
"This is probably one of the worst times we've seen because the numbers of people elected to Congress. I went through this as co-chair of the arts caucus. In '94 people were elected simply to come here to kill the National Endowment for the Arts. Now they’re here to kill women."
"The protesters have proven today that they‘re not going away. It was a pretty rough night last night. You can imagine if people said, well, we just can‘t fight the power. Instead, this morning, they came by tens, by hundreds, by thousands. By midday today, it was easily more than 10,000, perhaps as many as 15,000 people on the square here in Madison. Not organized by anyone, just grassroots citizens who came out just like the Minutemen in 1776."
--JOHN NICHOLS
"They're sitting on the money, they're using it for their own -- they're putting it someplace else with no interest in helping you with your life, with that money. We've allowed them to take that. That's not theirs, that's a national resource, that's ours. We all have this -- we all benefit from this or we all suffer as a result of not having it. I think we need to go back to taxing these people at the proper rates."
"Why don't we just raise the taxes and let these folks have their collective bargaining, have their union representation and go back to their jobs? Raise the taxes on the wealthy."
"So I would urge my Republican colleagues, no matter how strongly they feel -- you know, we have three branches of government. We have a House. We have a Senate. We have a president. And all three of us are going to have to come together and give some, but it is playing with fire to risk the shutting down of the government."
"I'm Rebecca Kleefisch. I performed fellatio on all the talk show hosts in Milwaukee. And they endorsed me and that's how I became lieutenant governor."
"[Military leaders] tell us that childhood obesity isn’t just a public health issue; they tell us that it is not just an economic threat -- it is a national security threat as well."
"[Obama] has to realize that Mitch McConnell has virtually said so that politically he wants to cut out his heart and throw his liver to the dogs."
--DAN RATHER
"And the instructions are not to improvise a comedy sketch, but to elect a group of unqualified, unstable individuals who will do what they are told, in exchange for money and power, and march this nation as far backward as they can get, backward to Jim Crow, or backward to the breadlines of the '30s, or backward to hanging union organizers, or backward to the trusts and the robber barons.
"Result: the Tea Party. Vote backward, vote Tea Party. And if you are somehow indifferent to what is planned for next Tuesday, it is nothing short of an attempted use of democracy to end this democracy."
"I gotta wonder when people are gonna start wearing uniforms. I mean they've got an army out there in Alaska of militia people. You've got these guys going around acting like street thugs. I mean it isn't far from what we saw in the thirties, where all of a sudden, political parties started showing up in uniform."
"[Sharron Angle] is a moron on top of being evil...
I'd like to see her do this ad in the South Bronx. Come here, bitch. Come to New York and do it. I'm not praying for her. She's going to hell. She's going to hell, this bitch."
"So people have been hurting and I understand that. And it doesn't give them comfort or solace for me to tell them, you know, but for me, we'd be in a worldwide depression."
"And to play Dick Cheney, all I had to do was find my Dick Cheney. And you can find all the villainy in the world in your own heart, and that's what an actor's job is. I always say to kids, inside you is Hitler and Jesus. And you got to find the appropriate person and bring them out."
"Because I live in the District of Columbia which is so predominantly Democratic, I am a registered Democrat. But I am an avowed neutral. And to put that into practice, I take my young daughter into the voting booth and she votes for me. She's now 14. We've been doing this since she was about age 4. She's now quite informed."
"Sarah Palin's an idiot. Come on. This is a remarkably, stunningly, jaw-droppingly incompetent and mean woman."
"The Democrats may have moved into the center, but the Republicans have moved into a mental institution."
--AARON SORKIN
"Perhaps the greatest threat of all is the undermining of our Constitution and the systematic attack against the inalienable rights of the citizens of this nation, rights that are guaranteed by our Constitution. At the vanguard of this insidious attack is the Tea Party. This band of misguided citizens is moving perilously close to achieving villainous ends."
"Ah, the Tea Party, the nativist bed-wetters who somehow control our national dialogue. Yes, I call them the Pee Party, Jay, because they're always peeing in their pants about something. They're just, they're afraid of a mosque being built in New York. They're afraid of guns. You know, they think Obama, who like every other pussy Democrat has never said a single word about gun control, but they are very sure that he and his Negro army are coming after their guns.
You know what? If you think that he's coming after your guns, you need to get out of your chat room and have your house tested for lead. He's not coming after your guns or your Bible or your fishing pole or your chewing tobacco."
"That's a trade-off society is making because of very, very high medical costs, and a lack of willingness to say, you know, is spending a million dollars on that last three months of life for that patient, would it be better not to lay off those ten teachers and to make that trade-off in medical costs. But that;s called the 'Death Panel' and you're not supposed to have that discussion."
"[If Rush Limbaugh suffered a heart attack in my presence, I would] laugh loudly like a maniac and watch his eyes bug out. I never knew I had this much hate in me. But he deserves it."
--SARAH SPITZ
"You want freedom, you going to have to kill some crackers. You going to have to kill some of their babies."
"If this was Texas, which is the state that, that is directly on the border with Mexico, and they were calling for a measure like this, saying that they had a major issue with, you know, with undocumented people flooding their borders, I would say I would have to look twice at this.
"But this is a state that is a ways removed from the border. And, um, it just, it doesn't make sense to me that when you google this subject, if you put in 'Arizona S.B. 1070,' that you see a picture of the governor of Arizona meeting with President Obama in May of 2010. If you have direct linkage to the president, there are already National Guard troops on the border in Arizona."
"Tell [the Jews] to get the hell out of Palestine. Remember, these people are occupied and it's their land. It's not German. It's not Poland. [The Jews] can go home. Poland. Germany."
--HELEN THOMAS
"After the last eight years, it's good to have a president that knows what a library is."
--PAUL McCARTNEY
"By the way, I just want to point out I'm wearing my splash shield because I was told I was going to be in the splash zone (during Harry Smith's colonoscopy on live TV)."
--KATIE COURIC
"And that Word is, we have to give voice to what that means in terms of public policy that would be in keeping with the values of the Word."
----------------------------
"Think of an economy where people could be an artist or a photographer or a writer without worrying about keeping their day job in order to have health insurance or that people could start a business and be entrepreneurial and take risk, but not job loss because of a child with asthma or someone in the family is bipolar—you name it, any condition — is job-locking."
--NANCY PELOSI
"Back in World War II, we viewed the Japanese as 'yellow, slant-eyed dogs' that believed in different gods. They were out to kill us because our way of living was different. We, in turn, wanted to annihilate them because they were different. Does that sound familiar, by any chance, to what's going on today?"
--TOM HANKS
"The 'White Right' is trying to set Barack up to be assassinated.... Here are Christians praying for God to kill Barack Obama."
--LOUIS FARRAKHAN
"I refuse to accept the notion that the United States of America is not going to lead the world economically throughout the 20th Century."
--JOE BIDEN
"Obama's critics keep blasting him for Chicago-style politics. So, fine. Channel your inner Al Capone and go gangsta against your foes. Let 'em know that if they aren't with you, they are against you, and will pay the price."
--ROLAND MARTIN
"Martha Coakley is running to fill the rest of Ted Kennedy's term, and her opponent is a far-right tea-bagger Republican."
--CHUCK SCHUMER
"I tell you what, if I lived in Massachusetts, I'd try to vote ten times. I don't know if they'd let me or not, but I'd try to. Yeah, that's right, I'd cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. 'Cause that's exactly what they are."
--ED SCHULTZ
"We also see how revved up the tea baggers are at the thought of hijacking health care reform and every chance we have at making progress in Washington."
--JOHN KERRY
"A few years ago, this guy (Obama) would have been getting us coffee."
--BILL CLINTON
"I didn't realize I had written a column defending Roman Polanski and minimized his crime - are you sure it was me? I mean, I? There is, apparently, more to this crime than it would seem, and it may sound like a hollow defense, but in Hollywood I am not sure a 13-year-old is really a 13-year-old."
--TOM SHALES
"Joe Wilson yelled 'You lie!' at a president who didn't. But, fair or not, what I heard was an unspoken word in the air: You lie, boy!"
--MAUREEN DOWD
"One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game... During the 7th inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez."
--DAVID LETTERMAN
"I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life."
--SONIA SOTOMAYOR
"We all considered sexual abuse of minors as a moral evil, but had no understanding of its criminal nature."
--REMBERT WEAKLAND, Archbishop of Milwaukee 1977- 2002
"You know, you might want to look into this, [President Obama], because I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker, but he was so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight."
"Rush Limbaugh -- 'I hope the country fails.' I hope his kidneys fail."
----------------------------
"[Obama] told me I did a great job. The first lady said the same thing. I got a 'well done' from the president, I'm on cloud nine."
--WANDA SYKES
"Americans are looking for more government in their life, not less."
--COLIN POWELL
"[Tea Party goers are] just a bunch of wimpy, whiny, weasels who don't love their country."
--PAUL BEGALA
"I wouldn't want [gay marriage] to go to the United States Supreme Court now because that homophobe Antonin Scalia has too many votes on this current court."
--BARNEY FRANK
"Going forward, my mind will be open to every solution -- except one. We should not -- we must not -- and I will not -- raise taxes."
--JIM DOYLE, Liar
"He's a terrorist. Rush Limbaugh is a terrorist."
--JOY BEHAR
"You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F--- you."
--JON STEWART
"Should I be worried about being a slave and being returned to slavery?"
--WHOOPI GOLDBERG
"I also believe that America is the greatest sin against God."
--FR. MICHAEL PFLEGER
"Those who think they can revive the stinking corpse of the usurping and fake Israeli regime by throwing a birthday party are seriously mistaken. Today the reason for the Zionist regime's existence is questioned, and this regime is on its way to annihilation."
--MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD
"We'll be eight degrees hotter in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals."
--TED TURNER
"Look, [Mitt] Romney comes from a religion founded by a criminal who was anti-American, pro-slavery, and a rapist. And he comes from that lineage and says, 'I respect this religion fully.'"
--LAWRENCE O'DONNELL
"Mexico does not end at its borders... Where there is a Mexican, there is Mexico."
--FELIPE CALDERON
"The planet has a fever. If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant."
--AL GORE
"Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."
--ROSIE O'DONNELL
"Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?"
--CHRIS ROCK
"Shut the f--- up! Shut up if you can't take a joke [about President Bush]!"
--BARBRA STREISAND
"Right, oh, yeah, Happy 9/11! Celebrate the day, right?"
--JAMES BROLIN, Mr. Barbra Streisand
"I think President Bush very well may have signed an authorization for the 9/11 attacks."
--KEVIN BARRETT, UW-MADISON Lecturer
"I said what I said. I am not guilty."
--SADDAM HUSSEIN
"Terri will not be starved to death. Her nutrition and hydration will be taken away."
--MICHAEL SCHIAVO
"On the eve of the election last month my wife Judith and I were driving home late in the afternoon and turned on the radio for the traffic and weather. What we instantly got was a freak show of political pornography: lies, distortions, and half-truths -- half-truths being perhaps the blackest of all lies. "
--BILL MOYERS
"I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for."
--HOWARD DEAN
"The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win."
--MICHAEL MOORE
"And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs."
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--HILLARY CLINTON
"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
--BILL CLINTON
"And let me tell you something -- for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment."
--MICHELLE OBAMA
"If asking a billionaire to pay the same tax rate as a Jew, uh, as a janitor, makes me a warrior for the working class, I wear that with a badge of honor."
"[F]or most of my lifetime, the United States was such a dominant economic power, we were such a large market, our industry, our technology, our manufacturing was so significant that we always met the rest of the world economically on our terms. And now, because of the incredible rise of India and China and Brazil and other countries, the United States remains the largest economic and the largest market but there’s real competition out there. And that's potentially healthy. It makes -- Michelle was saying earlier I like tough questions because it keeps me on my toes. Well, this will keep America on its toes."
----------------------------
"If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, 'We're gonna PUNISH OUR ENEMIES and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,' if they don't see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it's gonna be harder and that's why I think it's so important that people focus on voting on November 2."
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"We don't mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but THEY GOTTA SIT IN BACK."
----------------------------
"We can absorb a terrorist attack. We'll do everything we can to prevent it, but even a 9/11, even the biggest attack ever... we absorbed it and we are stronger."
"We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick."
----------------------------
"We're not trying to push financial reform because we begrudge success that's fairly earned. I mean, I do think at a certain point you've made enough money. But, you know, part of the American way is, you know, you can just keep on making it if you’re providing a good product or you're providing good service. We don't want people to stop fulfilling the core responsibilities of the financial system to help grow the economy."
"It is a vital national security interest of the United States to reduce these conflicts because whether we like it or not, we remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, one way or another we get pulled into them. And that ends up costing us significantly in terms of both blood and treasure."
----------------------------
"But I -- I think that the most important thing for the public to understand is, we're not handling any of these cases any different than the Bush administration handled them all through 9/11."
----------------------------
"One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world -- Navy CORPSE-MAN Christian [sic] Brossard. And lying on a gurney aboard the USNS Comfort, a woman asked Christopher: 'Where do you come from? What country? After my operation,' she said, 'I will pray for that country.' And in Creole, CORPSE-MAN Brossard responded, 'Etazini.' The United States of America."
----------------------------
"I hear that Dr. Joe Medicine Crow was around, and so I want to give a shout-out to that Congressional Medal of Honor winner. It's good to see you."
"I am going to teach [my daughters] first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."
----------------------------
"The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings, and INEFFICIENCIES to our health care system."
----------------------------
"Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it."
--BARACK OBAMA
NOTEWORTHY QUOTATIONS
"In a word, freedom is ever new. It is a challenge held out to each generation, and it must constantly be won over for the cause of good.... [A] democracy without values can lose its very soul."
--POPE BENEDICT XVI
"When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society."
--POPE JOHN PAUL II
"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."
--MOTHER TERESA
"To promote choice for its own sake is more akin to self-indulgence than self-determination. It is the philosophy of a pre-schooler in a candy shop."
--BRIAN POLLARD, M.D.
"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people."
--MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
"The house we hope to build is not for my generation but for yours. It is your future that matters. And I hope that when you are my age, you will be able to say as I have been able to say: We lived in freedom. We lived lives that were a statement, not an apology."
--RONALD REAGAN
"Liberalism is the philosophy of the stupid."
--MARK LEVIN
"We are Warriors forever."
--BO ELLIS
"I know how much you're supposed to enjoy every sandwich, you know."
