Michael Phelps vs. great white shark: Who won? https://t.co/T8nFdIfBWS pic.twitter.com/yrkjIWfw4L
— Fox News (@FoxNews) July 24, 2017
The moment of glory for #TeamShark!!! #PhelpsVsShark #SharkWeek pic.twitter.com/NWYp1CwiRa
— Shark Week (@SharkWeek) July 24, 2017
Rematch? Next time..warmer water. #SW30 @Discovery @SharkWeek
— Michael Phelps (@MichaelPhelps) July 24, 2017
JIMMY FALLON: This is just crazy news. Anthony Weiner is back in the news with another sexting scandal. He's like the Michael Phelps of sexting. He keeps saying he's going to retire, and every four years he's back - and he's wearing a Speedo.
...
And finally, I saw that Twitter just added a night mode setting that adjusts the screen lighting to make it easier for users to tweet in the dark. It's also called the Anthony Weiner mode.
Count 'em! 🎉 🎉 🎉 @MichaelPhelps OWNS the 200m IM 4 years running! pic.twitter.com/1mI9X4DIKD
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) August 12, 2016
ANOTHER ONE!
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) August 12, 2016
Make that 22 #GOLD medals for @MichaelPhelps! pic.twitter.com/frL3vJxmbn
What a great photo!
10 years ago: A 9-year-old named Katie Ledecky gets an autograph from Michael Phelps
— Historical Pics (@HistoricalPics) August 10, 2016
(Credit: Ledecky Family) pic.twitter.com/Jq9ouQlNAb
Rio 2016: Michael Phelps extends his tally to 21 Olympic golds https://t.co/0jtPRZMEJk
— BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) August 10, 2016
It's kind of sad when the thing generating all the excitement about the Olympics is #PhelpsFace.
That's life as we know it now.
(Insert #PhelpsFace here.)
.@MichaelPhelps gives rival terrifying death stare to end all death stares https://t.co/RaKfAs1wNg #PhelpsFace pic.twitter.com/yPL7qSv7kb
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) August 9, 2016
Congratulations, Caeleb Dressel, Michael Phelps, Ryan Held and Nathan Adrian!
Congrats #USA on winning gold in Men's 4 x 100m Freestyle Relay! #Olympics #Swimming pic.twitter.com/Rpy8jwHNso
— Olympics (@Olympics) August 8, 2016
That is GOLD MEDAL #19 for @MichaelPhelps!
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) August 8, 2016
🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
The most decorated Olympian of all time. pic.twitter.com/ezBv303C0R
#Gold Nathan Adrian, Ryan Held, Michael Phelps (19th gold medal 🏅!) and Caeleb Dressell #swimming #Rio2016 👏👏👏 pic.twitter.com/jSMlSaTUij
— Olympic Channel (@olympicchannel) August 8, 2016
That's a WORLD RECORD and #GOLD for @katieledecky!#TeamUSA pic.twitter.com/Mg0agM6PZC
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) August 8, 2016
There’s breaking the WR, then there’s demolishing it. @KatieLedecky did the latter. #Goldhttps://t.co/BWGaUNiTHM https://t.co/ievrdx89tH
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) August 8, 2016
Wow.
That was so long!
Olympics Officials Clearly Trying To Buy More Time With 6-Day-Long Opening Ceremony Performance https://t.co/uqOcPOKruc #OpeningCeremony
— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 6, 2016
Incredible. 😍#OpeningCeremony pic.twitter.com/eJEVShETkJ
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) August 6, 2016
It's @MichaelPhelps with @TeamUSA #olympics #openingceremony #rio2016 pic.twitter.com/p6EpuUDHVT
— Olympics (@Olympics) August 6, 2016
It's a GOLD rush by the American swimmers today.
Missy Franklin won GOLD in the 200m Backstroke, setting a world record. Elizabeth Beisel picked up the BRONZE.
Michael Phelps won GOLD in the 100m Butterfly. In the last individual swim of his career, Phelps won his third straight GOLD in the event. It was his 21st Olympic medal, his 17th GOLD.
The guy's pretty good.
There was more GOLD for Team USA.
Katie Ledecky won GOLD in the 800m Freestyle.
In the 50m Freestyle, GOLD medalist Cullen Jones picked up the SILVER.
Wow.
What a day at the pool!
Congratulations, Team USA!!!
Most-decorated Olympian
— US Olympic Team (@USOlympic) August 2, 2012@michaelphelps WINS 200 IM and is first male to earn gold in same indiv. event three times!Silver for@ryanlochte!
.
— NBCOlympics (@NBCOlympics) August 2, 2012@michaelphelps wins GOLD in the 200m IM!@ryanlochte takes silver.#Phelps is first male swimmer to win the same race at 3#Olympics!
Three of his teammates helped Michael Phelps swim into history today.
The U.S. 4x200m freestyle relay team took gold, earning Phelps his 19th Olympic medal, the most of any athlete ever.
From the Associated Press:
With a lot of help from his friends, Phelps took down the last major record that wasn't his alone, swimming the anchor leg for the United States in a gold medal-winning performance of the 4x200-meter freestyle relay Tuesday night.
About an hour earlier, Phelps took one of the most frustrating defeats of his brilliant career, making a shocking blunder at the finish and settling for silver in his signature event, the 200 butterfly.
That tied the record for career medals held by Soviet gymnast Larisa Latynina, but it was hardly a triumphant moment. Phelps slung away his cap in disgust and struggled to force a smile at the medal ceremony.
But any disappointment from that race was gone by the time he dived in the water on the relay, having been staked to a huge lead by teammates Ryan Lochte, Conor Dwyer and Ricky Berens.
Before the race, they all huddled together, fully aware of their role in history.
"I thanked those guys for helping me get to this moment," Phelps said. "I told those guys I wanted a big lead. I was like, 'You better give me a big lead going into the last lap,' and they gave it to me. I just wanted to hold on. I thanked them for being able to allow me to have this moment."
So, so close!
But no gold.
Watching NBC's livestream of the event, the commentators said that Phelps lost.
True, he wasn't first, but silver is not bad.
One more medal and Phelps becomes the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time.
Not bad at all.
_________________
Congratulations to Allison Schmitt! She won gold in the Women's 200m Freestyle.
Thursday's Admirals game is getting a good deal of attention, and it has nothing to do with hockey.
That night's promotion is doing what successful promotions should do -- get noticed and draw people to the event.
From the Admirals' website:
Michael Phelps has done a lot of things in his life that he is proud of. Eight Olympic Gold Medals from last year’s summer games is just the start of a long list of accomplishments that anyone would want to emulate.
Unfortunately, the limelight that currently shines on him is not for any of his athletic achievements, but for an act that is a bit more dubious. Thus, the Milwaukee Admirals present “Don’t Be Like Mike” Night at their game on Thursday, February 19th at 7:00 pm versus the Rockford IceHogs.
All fans who are graduates of a DARE program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) can get into the game for just $2 by bringing their DARE graduation certificate to the Admirals’ office or the Bradley Center box office. In addition, anyone with the name Michael, Phelps, Mary Jane, Cheech, Chong, Weed (Wied) or anyone who has won an Olympic Gold Medal can also get their ticket for only $2.
“I, along with Nancy Reagan, want to encourage people to not do drugs,” said Admirals President Jon Greenberg. “As an organization the Milwaukee Admirals don’t condone or encourage the use of illegal drugs, including, but not limited to marijuana, or anabolic steroids for that matter.”
The Ads will also be giving away a weed wacker, courtesy of National Ace Hardware, that will be signed by the team and if the Admirals score with 4:20 left on the clock in any period one lucky fan will win a season ticket for the 2009-10 season. The number 420 is often known as the police code for illegal drug use.
Plus, to ensure that no one ends up in the same predicament as Michael Phelps, the team will provide a document shredder at the DigiCopy Information Table outside section 225 so fans can bring any embarrassing or incriminating photos to be destroyed.
(Screen grab/NBC)
Bill Maher, looking as greasy as ever, was on Tuesday's Tonight Show. Actually, Maher looked greasier than usual.
Of course, Jay Leno and Maher talked about Barack Obama.
Maher said, "Wow, we did it. We elected a black guy. Great."
The crowd applauded.
Leno asked him to evaluate how Obama has done so far.
Maher took the opportunity to bash President Bush. What a shock! I didn't see that coming.
Maher spoke of the mess Obama inherited.
"First of all, you have to look at in perspective, you know. He is coming in after Bush, that's like, you know, being a maid in a hotel after Led Zeppelin has stayed there."
Then he mumbled something about Bush's "leave no dollar behind" program.
Maher admitted that Obama had made some rookie mistakes but noted that we'd be much worse off if McCain had won.
"Think of what the mood we would be in if it was old man McCain and Cruella de Vil in there right now."
The audience liked that.
About the economic stimulus plan, Maher said, "That is a big package, even for a black man."
What a comic genius!
Maher commented on how hard Obama tried to reach out to the Republicans. He bemoaned the fact that only 3 Republicans voted for the stimulus plan.
He asked, "What happened to the honeymoon? Weren't you supposed to get a honeymoon?"
Maher said, "I mean this is like going to Niagara Falls and you find out you're not gonna get laid. You're wife is a dude, and the hotel's on fire. The Falls are made of blood, not water."
Next topic: The more relaxed dress code in the Obama White House.
Maher mocked President Bush.
Transcript
MAHER: There were pictures of [Obama] just in a shirt and not his coat. This enraged the Republicans, which is such a double standard. I seem to recall we were happy if Bush didn't try to put his pants on over his head. He peed himself on 9/11 but his tie was straight.
MAHER: The way they act like this is going to change everything, like, 'Oh, well, Obama's got casual Fridays. Yeah, sure, next thing you know he's going to be coming in with, you know, a neck tattoo and cornrows.' You know, I think people forget because they lived with eight years of the Bush clown posse that this is what people do when they're working. They take their coat off, OK?
MAHER: He's taking a bong hit and now he's O.J.
I wish we would end the charade in this country that putting marijuana in your body is somehow worse than a thousand other things that people put in their body, including anything made by Kellogg's...
You know, Michael Phelps, he's a nice young guy, but you know what? I just wish sometime when somebody gets 'caught' smoking marijuana they wouldn't be such a wimp about it. 'I made a misjudgment.' Yes, when you acted like such a pussy about not standing up and saying, 'Excuse me, I'm an adult. I can do things that an adult can do. I wouldn't recommend this for children, but I wouldn't recommend driving a car or having sex or starting a fire for children.'
MAHER: Americans just have a very weird idea of what is healthy and what is not healthy for them, and where things fall on that scale. And I'm sorry, but the products made by Kellogg, in fact, everything in the super[market]...
MAHER: Let me tell you something folks. You're all on steroids. If you eat the food in America, if you eat the cows, if you eat the chickens, if you eat the pigs, they shoot them all up with steroids, hormones... This is why people are so sick. I'm serious.
MAHER: Snubbed by the Academy. That just shows you what, how this topic is treated in America. I mean, and Entertainment Weekly said it right, they said if the Academy wants to be completely irrelevant, they're doing a hell of a good job by not nominating this film.
MAHER: So many people wrote to me and said, 'We couldn't see it in the theaters 'cause it wasn't playing within 300 miles of us,' because once again, this is America. Well, now you can see it on DVD. They can't stop you from seeing it.
"Made it, Ma! Top of the world!"
Michael Phelps was on top. After his triumphant performance at the Beijing Olympics, he couldn't have been any higher, so to speak.
Rather than savor that glory responsibly, Phelps squandered it. He was reckless.
PORTLAND, Ore. -- Michael Phelps has been suspended from competition for three months by USA Swimming, the latest fallout from a photo that showed the Olympic great inhaling from a marijuana pipe.
The sport's national governing body also cut off its financial support to Phelps for the same three-month period, effective Thursday.
"This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated, but we decided to send a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero," the federation said in a statement.
"Michael has voluntarily accepted this reprimand and has committed to earn back our trust."
Also on Thursday, Kellogg Co. said it will drop Phelps' endorsement deal.
Most of his major sponsors, such as Visa Inc., Speedo, luxury Swiss watchmaker Omega and sports beverage PureSport's maker Human Performance Labs, stood by the athlete following the news, even if they didn't condone his behavior.
But Battle Creek, Mich.-based cereal and snack maker Kellogg said Phelps's behavior is "not consistent with the image of Kellogg."
BATTLE CREEK, Mich., Aug 19, 2008 /PRNewswire-FirstCall via COMTEX/ -- He's already taken his place in history alongside the legends, but now Michael Phelps can add one more milestone to the list. After earning eight gold medals in the 2008 Olympic Games, Michael Phelps has earned a place of honor on the front of specially-marked Kellogg's Frosted Flakes (R: 66.26, -0.45, -0.67%) and Kellogg's Corn Flakes (R: 66.26, -0.45, -0.67%) cereal boxes.
The gold medal winning Olympic champion from Baltimore, Maryland will be featured on Kellogg's Corn Flakes and Kellogg's Frosted Flakes cereal packages that are expected to hit grocery store shelves across the U.S. in mid-September. The boxes will feature images of Phelps during what were some of the most memorable moments of this summer's Olympic Games.
"As an Official Sponsor of the 2008 U.S. Olympic Team and a proud sponsor of Phelps, it is only fitting that Kellogg Company feature this world-class athlete on its iconic boxes of Kellogg's Corn Flakes and Kellogg's Frosted Flakes cereals," said Marta Cyhan, Vice President, Global Promotions, Kellogg Company. "Michael embodies the values behind our Frosted Flakes Earn Your Stripes (TM: 87.59, -1.33, -1.49%) program. He knows that winning is not just about the glory that comes with gold medals, but about good sportsmanship, working hard and being your best."
Kellogg's Frosted Flakes helps kids be their best through its Earn Your Stripes program. With inspiration from Tony the Tiger (R: 66.26, -0.45, -0.67%), the Earn Your Stripes program is designed to encourage kids to eat right, be more active and work hard to achieve all of their goals.
"Michael embodies the values behind our Frosted Flakes Earn Your Stripes program. He knows that winning is not just about the glory that comes with gold medals, but about good sportsmanship, working hard and being your best."
TOP TEN MICHAEL PHELPS EXCUSES
10. Anxious to rid myself of those bothersome billion dollar endorsements
9. Too much chlorine
8. Uh... I thought it was chapstick
7. Asked myself, 'What would Chong do?'
6. Uh... Glaucoma?
5. It's my last chance to goof off before I have to settle down and get a real swimming job
4. Uh... I got bitten by a groundhog?
3. Chillax, Broseph
2. Was doing research for upcoming film "Michael and Kumar Go to the Olympics"
1. Huh?
Michael Phelps has admitted that the bong photo is legitimate.
Statement:
In a statement released to The Associated Press, the swimmer who won a record eight gold medals at the Beijing Games conceded the authenticity of the exclusive picture published Sunday by the tabloid News of the World.
Phelps said: "I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."
UPDATE: Michael Phelps' Statement
______________
Michael Phelps, what were you thinking?
From Brit tabloid, News of the World:
THIS is the astonishing picture which could destroy the career of the greatest competitor in Olympic history.
In our exclusive photo Michael Phelps, who won a record EIGHT gold medals for swimming at the Beijing games last summer, draws from a bong.
...And after sporting chiefs announced laws which mean four-year bans for drug-taking, Phelps’ dreams of adding to his overall 14 gold medal tally at the 2012 games in London could already be OVER.
Those dreams seemed the last thing on his mind when he puffed from the bong during two days of partying with students last November, a quiet time in the swimming calendar when athletes would not expect to get tested for drugs.
One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.
“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”
Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.
It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.
He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.
Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night.
...“He didn’t know many people so you’d think he’d be a little shy. But he was loud, obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go.
“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”
As he basked in his hero status, Phelps knocked back beers and shots of spirits. And when a student offered him the glass bong engraved with red writing, he did not hesitate, says our source.
...Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.
“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”
Why? What was the point?
Phelps is a dramatically better swimmer than Cooper. Is this surprising?
I suppose I should be thankful Cooper got in the pool with Phelps, not Andy Rooney.
UPDATE: SNL Season Premiere NOT Palin-Friendly
_________________
On August 29, the day John McCain announced his VP running mate to the world, I made a prediction.
I wrote:
When Saturday Night Live has its season premiere on September 13, Olympian Michael Phelps will be the host.
That we know.
Here's a prediction: Tina Fey will portray Sarah Palin.
Want to bet?
Tina Fey is "likely" to play Gov. Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live," said a person close to NBC's sketch comedy show.
Fey is "likely" to return to her former show Saturday to play the Alaskan governor and Sen. John McCain's running mate, a person close to the show told The Associated Press on Friday night. The person requested anonymity because the decision has not been announced officially. No further details were available.
Since Palin's entry onto the national political stage, speculation has been rampant over who might play Palin on the program. Many have commented that Fey resembles her.
In an interview earlier this week with The AP, "SNL" executive producer and creator Lorne Michaels said, "The whole world cast her in that role."
...On Tuesday, Michaels said that should Fey play Palin, she was unlikely to remain in the part in the long-term, which depending on the election results, could be for four years or longer.
"The only thing [Trump's] mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's c--k holster."
"[Ivanka Trump] Your father is a racist birther. Steve Bannon an anti-Semitic opportunist. You and your husband are enabling hatred. F--- your shoes."
"Melania [Trump] is a hooker."
"And my job is to shut other white people down when they want to interrupt."
"We have to, at the DNC, provide training. We have to teach them how to communicate, how to be sensitive, and how to shut their mouths if they're white."
"And to our detractors that insist that this march will never add up to anything: F--- you! F---you!
"Yes, I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House."--MADONNA
"Barron Trump looks like a very handsome date-rapist-to-be."
"Barron [Trump] will be this country's first homeschool shooter."
"Hollywood is crawling with outsiders and foreigners, and if we kick 'em all out, you'll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts."
"There's a billion to one chance we're living in base reality."
[That means we're almost positively living in a simulation, like a video game.]
"When I would deny that there was a significant racist component in some of the politics on our side, it was because the people I hung out with were certainly not. When suddenly, this rock is turned over, there is this—'Oh shit, did I not see that?'"
----------------------------
"In any other scenario, Hillary Clinton's lying about her emails, and her pay-for-play relationship with the Clinton Foundation would be disqualifying issues. The only reason they're not disqualifying is because Donald Trump is a fundamentally more repellent, dishonest figure."
"I made a mistake in recalling the events of twelve years ago... I said I was traveling in an aircraft that was hit by RPG fire. I was instead in a following aircraft."
"I'm here to tell you if you elect me governor of this state, I will end the civil war."
"I would not look to the U.S. Constitution, if I were drafting a constitution in the year 2012. I might look at the constitution of South Africa. That was a deliberate attempt to have a fundamental instrument of government that embraced basic human rights, had an independent judiciary. It really is, I think, a great piece of work that was done."
"Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now, do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?"
"The death of Andrew Breitbart disproves the adage that only the good die young."
--JULIAN BOND
"The National Institute of Health has said that it is a danger to women's health and safety of their families that for 30 years to be exposed to the prospects of pregnancy."
"[Tea Party Republicans] have acted like terrorists."
"Why did- Couldn't the President have said at that moment, way back in December of last year, 'no game playing. No hostage-taking. No terrorizing this country with the debt ceiling. I'm not going to negotiate with you guys. You can't play it that way.' Could he have done that?"
"[T]he tea-party Hobbits could return to Middle Earth having defeated Mordor."
--WALL STREET JOURNAL EDITORIAL
"I remember distinctly an image of--we were sitting on his couches, and I was looking at [Obama's] pant leg and his perfectly creased pant, and I'm thinking, a) he's going to be president and b) he'll be a very good president."
--DAVID BROOKS
"I feel like calling her back and smackin' her around."
--FRED CLARK, DEMOCRAT
"The picture was of me, and I sent it."
"[I]f you go back to the year 2000, when we had an obvious disaster and - and saw that our voting process needed refinement, and we did that in the America Votes Act and made sure that we could iron out those kinks, now you have the Republicans, who want to literally drag us all the way back to Jim Crow laws and literally - and very transparently - block access to the polls to voters who are more likely to vote Democratic candidates than Republican candidates. And it's nothing short of that blatant."
--DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ
"This is probably one of the worst times we've seen because the numbers of people elected to Congress. I went through this as co-chair of the arts caucus. In '94 people were elected simply to come here to kill the National Endowment for the Arts. Now they’re here to kill women."
"The protesters have proven today that they‘re not going away. It was a pretty rough night last night. You can imagine if people said, well, we just can‘t fight the power. Instead, this morning, they came by tens, by hundreds, by thousands. By midday today, it was easily more than 10,000, perhaps as many as 15,000 people on the square here in Madison. Not organized by anyone, just grassroots citizens who came out just like the Minutemen in 1776."
--JOHN NICHOLS
"They're sitting on the money, they're using it for their own -- they're putting it someplace else with no interest in helping you with your life, with that money. We've allowed them to take that. That's not theirs, that's a national resource, that's ours. We all have this -- we all benefit from this or we all suffer as a result of not having it. I think we need to go back to taxing these people at the proper rates."
"Why don't we just raise the taxes and let these folks have their collective bargaining, have their union representation and go back to their jobs? Raise the taxes on the wealthy."
"In 1933, [Hitler] abolished unions and that's what our Governor [Scott Walker] is doing today."
--LENA TAYLOR, Democrat State Senator
"So I would urge my Republican colleagues, no matter how strongly they feel -- you know, we have three branches of government. We have a House. We have a Senate. We have a president. And all three of us are going to have to come together and give some, but it is playing with fire to risk the shutting down of the government."
"Well, when you start off with the Preamble of the Constitution, you talk about the pursuit of happiness."
"I'm Rebecca Kleefisch. I performed fellatio on all the talk show hosts in Milwaukee. And they endorsed me and that's how I became lieutenant governor."
"Do you think this Constitution-loving is getting out of hand? I mean, is it a nod to the Tea Party?"
"We can’t just leave it up to the parents."
"[Military leaders] tell us that childhood obesity isn’t just a public health issue; they tell us that it is not just an economic threat -- it is a national security threat as well."
"Actually, I did not take part in [the assassination of Sarah Palin]. I led it."
"[The repeal of ObamaCare is] a kind of creeping genocide."
"[Obama] has to realize that Mitch McConnell has virtually said so that politically he wants to cut out his heart and throw his liver to the dogs."
--DAN RATHER
"And the instructions are not to improvise a comedy sketch, but to elect a group of unqualified, unstable individuals who will do what they are told, in exchange for money and power, and march this nation as far backward as they can get, backward to Jim Crow, or backward to the breadlines of the '30s, or backward to hanging union organizers, or backward to the trusts and the robber barons.
"Result: the Tea Party. Vote backward, vote Tea Party. And if you are somehow indifferent to what is planned for next Tuesday, it is nothing short of an attempted use of democracy to end this democracy."--KEITH "Reagan's dead and he was a lousy President" OLBERMANN
"I gotta wonder when people are gonna start wearing uniforms. I mean they've got an army out there in Alaska of militia people. You've got these guys going around acting like street thugs. I mean it isn't far from what we saw in the thirties, where all of a sudden, political parties started showing up in uniform."
"[Sharron Angle] is a moron on top of being evil... I'd like to see her do this ad in the South Bronx. Come here, bitch. Come to New York and do it. I'm not praying for her. She's going to hell. She's going to hell, this bitch."
"So people have been hurting and I understand that. And it doesn't give them comfort or solace for me to tell them, you know, but for me, we'd be in a worldwide depression."
"And to play Dick Cheney, all I had to do was find my Dick Cheney. And you can find all the villainy in the world in your own heart, and that's what an actor's job is. I always say to kids, inside you is Hitler and Jesus. And you got to find the appropriate person and bring them out."
"Because I live in the District of Columbia which is so predominantly Democratic, I am a registered Democrat. But I am an avowed neutral. And to put that into practice, I take my young daughter into the voting booth and she votes for me. She's now 14. We've been doing this since she was about age 4. She's now quite informed."
"Sarah Palin's an idiot. Come on. This is a remarkably, stunningly, jaw-droppingly incompetent and mean woman."
"The Democrats may have moved into the center, but the Republicans have moved into a mental institution."
--AARON SORKIN
"Perhaps the greatest threat of all is the undermining of our Constitution and the systematic attack against the inalienable rights of the citizens of this nation, rights that are guaranteed by our Constitution. At the vanguard of this insidious attack is the Tea Party. This band of misguided citizens is moving perilously close to achieving villainous ends."
"[Christine O'Donnell is] a witch who doesn't masturbate."
"Ah, the Tea Party, the nativist bed-wetters who somehow control our national dialogue. Yes, I call them the Pee Party, Jay, because they're always peeing in their pants about something. They're just, they're afraid of a mosque being built in New York. They're afraid of guns. You know, they think Obama, who like every other pussy Democrat has never said a single word about gun control, but they are very sure that he and his Negro army are coming after their guns. You know what? If you think that he's coming after your guns, you need to get out of your chat room and have your house tested for lead. He's not coming after your guns or your Bible or your fishing pole or your chewing tobacco."
"That's a trade-off society is making because of very, very high medical costs, and a lack of willingness to say, you know, is spending a million dollars on that last three months of life for that patient, would it be better not to lay off those ten teachers and to make that trade-off in medical costs. But that;s called the 'Death Panel' and you're not supposed to have that discussion."
"NOT the 'whiteman's bitch'"
--IESHUH GRIFFIN
"[If Rush Limbaugh suffered a heart attack in my presence, I would] laugh loudly like a maniac and watch his eyes bug out. I never knew I had this much hate in me. But he deserves it."
--SARAH SPITZ
"You want freedom, you going to have to kill some crackers. You going to have to kill some of their babies."
"If this was Texas, which is the state that, that is directly on the border with Mexico, and they were calling for a measure like this, saying that they had a major issue with, you know, with undocumented people flooding their borders, I would say I would have to look twice at this. "But this is a state that is a ways removed from the border. And, um, it just, it doesn't make sense to me that when you google this subject, if you put in 'Arizona S.B. 1070,' that you see a picture of the governor of Arizona meeting with President Obama in May of 2010. If you have direct linkage to the president, there are already National Guard troops on the border in Arizona."
"Tell [the Jews] to get the hell out of Palestine. Remember, these people are occupied and it's their land. It's not German. It's not Poland. [The Jews] can go home. Poland. Germany."
--HELEN THOMAS
"After the last eight years, it's good to have a president that knows what a library is."
--PAUL McCARTNEY
"By the way, I just want to point out I'm wearing my splash shield because I was told I was going to be in the splash zone (during Harry Smith's colonoscopy on live TV)."
--KATIE COURIC
"And that Word is, we have to give voice to what that means in terms of public policy that would be in keeping with the values of the Word."
----------------------------
"Think of an economy where people could be an artist or a photographer or a writer without worrying about keeping their day job in order to have health insurance or that people could start a business and be entrepreneurial and take risk, but not job loss because of a child with asthma or someone in the family is bipolar—you name it, any condition — is job-locking."
--NANCY PELOSI
"Back in World War II, we viewed the Japanese as 'yellow, slant-eyed dogs' that believed in different gods. They were out to kill us because our way of living was different. We, in turn, wanted to annihilate them because they were different. Does that sound familiar, by any chance, to what's going on today?"
--TOM HANKS
"The 'White Right' is trying to set Barack up to be assassinated.... Here are Christians praying for God to kill Barack Obama."
--LOUIS FARRAKHAN
"I refuse to accept the notion that the United States of America is not going to lead the world economically throughout the 20th Century."
--JOE BIDEN
"Obama's critics keep blasting him for Chicago-style politics. So, fine. Channel your inner Al Capone and go gangsta against your foes. Let 'em know that if they aren't with you, they are against you, and will pay the price."
--ROLAND MARTIN
"Martha Coakley is running to fill the rest of Ted Kennedy's term, and her opponent is a far-right tea-bagger Republican."
--CHUCK SCHUMER
"I tell you what, if I lived in Massachusetts, I'd try to vote ten times. I don't know if they'd let me or not, but I'd try to. Yeah, that's right, I'd cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. 'Cause that's exactly what they are."
--ED SCHULTZ
"We also see how revved up the tea baggers are at the thought of hijacking health care reform and every chance we have at making progress in Washington."
--JOHN KERRY
"A few years ago, this guy (Obama) would have been getting us coffee."
--BILL CLINTON
"I didn't realize I had written a column defending Roman Polanski and minimized his crime - are you sure it was me? I mean, I? There is, apparently, more to this crime than it would seem, and it may sound like a hollow defense, but in Hollywood I am not sure a 13-year-old is really a 13-year-old."
--TOM SHALES
"Joe Wilson yelled 'You lie!' at a president who didn't. But, fair or not, what I heard was an unspoken word in the air: You lie, boy!"
--MAUREEN DOWD
"One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game... During the 7th inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez."
--DAVID LETTERMAN
"I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life."
--SONIA SOTOMAYOR
"We all considered sexual abuse of minors as a moral evil, but had no understanding of its criminal nature."
--REMBERT WEAKLAND, Archbishop of Milwaukee 1977- 2002
"You know, you might want to look into this, [President Obama], because I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker, but he was so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight."
"Rush Limbaugh -- 'I hope the country fails.' I hope his kidneys fail."
----------------------------
"[Obama] told me I did a great job. The first lady said the same thing. I got a 'well done' from the president, I'm on cloud nine."
--WANDA SYKES
"Americans are looking for more government in their life, not less."
--COLIN POWELL
"[Tea Party goers are] just a bunch of wimpy, whiny, weasels who don't love their country."
--PAUL BEGALA
"I wouldn't want [gay marriage] to go to the United States Supreme Court now because that homophobe Antonin Scalia has too many votes on this current court."
--BARNEY FRANK
"Going forward, my mind will be open to every solution -- except one. We should not -- we must not -- and I will not -- raise taxes."
--JIM DOYLE, Liar
"He's a terrorist. Rush Limbaugh is a terrorist."
--JOY BEHAR
"You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F--- you."
--JON STEWART
"Should I be worried about being a slave and being returned to slavery?"
--WHOOPI GOLDBERG
"I also believe that America is the greatest sin against God."
--FR. MICHAEL PFLEGER
"Those who think they can revive the stinking corpse of the usurping and fake Israeli regime by throwing a birthday party are seriously mistaken. Today the reason for the Zionist regime's existence is questioned, and this regime is on its way to annihilation."
--MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD
"We'll be eight degrees hotter in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals."
--TED TURNER
"Look, [Mitt] Romney comes from a religion founded by a criminal who was anti-American, pro-slavery, and a rapist. And he comes from that lineage and says, 'I respect this religion fully.'"
--LAWRENCE O'DONNELL
"Mexico does not end at its borders... Where there is a Mexican, there is Mexico."
--FELIPE CALDERON
"The planet has a fever. If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant."
--AL GORE
"Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."
--ROSIE O'DONNELL
"Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?"
--CHRIS ROCK
"Shut the f--- up! Shut up if you can't take a joke [about President Bush]!"
--BARBRA STREISAND
"Right, oh, yeah, Happy 9/11! Celebrate the day, right?"
--JAMES BROLIN, Mr. Barbra Streisand
"I think President Bush very well may have signed an authorization for the 9/11 attacks."
--KEVIN BARRETT, UW-MADISON Lecturer
"I said what I said. I am not guilty."
--SADDAM HUSSEIN
"Terri will not be starved to death. Her nutrition and hydration will be taken away."
--MICHAEL SCHIAVO
"On the eve of the election last month my wife Judith and I were driving home late in the afternoon and turned on the radio for the traffic and weather. What we instantly got was a freak show of political pornography: lies, distortions, and half-truths -- half-truths being perhaps the blackest of all lies. "
--BILL MOYERS
"I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for."
--HOWARD DEAN
"The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win."
--MICHAEL MOORE
"And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs."
--JOHN KERRY
"F---ing retarded."
"[Republicans] can go f--- themselves!"
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--HILLARY CLINTON
"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
--BILL CLINTON
"And let me tell you something -- for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment."
--MICHELLE OBAMA
"If asking a billionaire to pay the same tax rate as a Jew, uh, as a janitor, makes me a warrior for the working class, I wear that with a badge of honor."
----------------------------
"If you love me, you got to help me pass this bill."
----------------------------
"[F]or most of my lifetime, the United States was such a dominant economic power, we were such a large market, our industry, our technology, our manufacturing was so significant that we always met the rest of the world economically on our terms. And now, because of the incredible rise of India and China and Brazil and other countries, the United States remains the largest economic and the largest market but there’s real competition out there. And that's potentially healthy. It makes -- Michelle was saying earlier I like tough questions because it keeps me on my toes. Well, this will keep America on its toes."
----------------------------
"If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, 'We're gonna PUNISH OUR ENEMIES and we're gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,' if they don't see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it's gonna be harder and that's why I think it's so important that people focus on voting on November 2."
----------------------------
"We don't mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but THEY GOTTA SIT IN BACK."
----------------------------
"We can absorb a terrorist attack. We'll do everything we can to prevent it, but even a 9/11, even the biggest attack ever... we absorbed it and we are stronger."
----------------------------
----------------------------
"We are the ones we've been waiting for."
----------------------------
"We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick."
----------------------------
"We're not trying to push financial reform because we begrudge success that's fairly earned. I mean, I do think at a certain point you've made enough money. But, you know, part of the American way is, you know, you can just keep on making it if you’re providing a good product or you're providing good service. We don't want people to stop fulfilling the core responsibilities of the financial system to help grow the economy."
----------------------------
"If you've got a business, you didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen."
----------------------------
"It is a vital national security interest of the United States to reduce these conflicts because whether we like it or not, we remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, one way or another we get pulled into them. And that ends up costing us significantly in terms of both blood and treasure."
----------------------------
"But I -- I think that the most important thing for the public to understand is, we're not handling any of these cases any different than the Bush administration handled them all through 9/11."
----------------------------
"One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world -- Navy CORPSE-MAN Christian [sic] Brossard. And lying on a gurney aboard the USNS Comfort, a woman asked Christopher: 'Where do you come from? What country? After my operation,' she said, 'I will pray for that country.' And in Creole, CORPSE-MAN Brossard responded, 'Etazini.' The United States of America."
----------------------------
"I hear that Dr. Joe Medicine Crow was around, and so I want to give a shout-out to that Congressional Medal of Honor winner. It's good to see you."
----------------------------
"We are God's partners in matters of life and death."
----------------------------
"[T]he Cambridge police acted stupidly."
----------------------------
"I am going to teach [my daughters] first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."
----------------------------
"The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings, and INEFFICIENCIES to our health care system."
----------------------------
"Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it."
--BARACK OBAMA
"In a word, freedom is ever new. It is a challenge held out to each generation, and it must constantly be won over for the cause of good.... [A] democracy without values can lose its very soul."
--POPE BENEDICT XVI
"When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society."
--POPE JOHN PAUL II
"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."
--MOTHER TERESA
"To promote choice for its own sake is more akin to self-indulgence than self-determination. It is the philosophy of a pre-schooler in a candy shop."
--BRIAN POLLARD, M.D.
"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people."
--MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
"The house we hope to build is not for my generation but for yours. It is your future that matters. And I hope that when you are my age, you will be able to say as I have been able to say: We lived in freedom. We lived lives that were a statement, not an apology."
--RONALD REAGAN
"Liberalism is the philosophy of the stupid."
--MARK LEVIN
"We are Warriors forever."
--BO ELLIS
"I know how much you're supposed to enjoy every sandwich, you know."
--WARREN ZEVON
